Monday, July 30, 2012

the night i decided to drive

my mother-in-law or i like to refer to her as... no, no i'll be nothing but pleasant when it comes to my MIL, although... anyway, my MIL was kind and generous enough to lend me her lesbian looking subaru. i have nothing against lesbians, i enjoy lesbians, however, i look like a total lesbian in this particular vehicle. it also has hardly any pick-up, however it has a killer sunroof! i digress. rb and i went to visit some friends this past weekend, and usually rb would drive but i offered to drive with the contingent plan that if i were to intoxicated to drive home, he could drive his mother's car home. this time it wasn't the case. i enjoyed a small glass of white wine whereas rb indulged in slightly more than that. 

rb almost never drinks. he often is afraid of being an angry drunk- never angry or violent with me, but rb has a slight filter as it is, when alcohol is introduced the filter disintegrates and everyone is fair game. he will remember almost everything, however, he will have a hard time controlling what he is saying as he is saying it and in what volume he is saying it. i absolutely love it! 

rb and our friend john first had some bourbon, than moved onto the Johnny Walker Gold Label and finished off the bottle. both john and rb were wasted face, as i love to say. john we are used to consuming large quantities of alcohol whereas both john and dana his wife, and a long time friend of mine, have never and i mean never seen his like this. 

rb was signing and slurring most of his words. at one point he said, "i'm worried i'm going to get angry drunk." i responded with, "if you get angry drunk, i will punch you sqaure in the face." rb replied, "oh, you think you can punch me, but, i am kung foo serious!" the three of us laughed, and in reality i knew what the dag-on-fool was trying to say but it was hilarious to see someone who is "so put together" fall apart. after a few hours of his ranting and versions of "call me maybe" that i so totally wish i caputured on video, we ordered a pizza. he scoffed down some pizza, spilled his scotch on dana's couch, watched some olympics with one eye closed because he was convinced that that would help him from seeing triple and left around 11:30 to head home. 

the entire ride home was priceless. "oh rapunzel, i'm so drunk! did you know i was this drunk?" "its good that i'm not driving, i couldn't drive, people might die." etc. all this was said with a slurred sort of speech impediment, and a giggle. we get home, i put rb to bed, take off his glasses, give him tylenol, water and say goodnight. again, i get a mumbled mess of an "i love you" and "i'm really drunk, but not as drunk as i was before" and he passes out without moving for 12 hours. 

i know none of this may sound all that funny or interesting to you, but if you knew rb at all, you would recognize the hilarity of this evening. i hope it happens again when we go to maine for our my 10th annual week in maine vacation. i want to share it with jan and june and their respective husbands, but it needs to happen naturally and apparently with bourbon and scotch! 

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


this whole car thing is for the fucking birds. i was perfectly content with my vehicle and now after 21 days i am still driving around in a ridiculous rental car and wasting time. i'm so over being frustrated. i finally picked a damn car and guess what, we can't find it anywhere. it needs to be custom made. part of me thinks i should just give in and get a damn automatic, but part of me feels like if i have to get a new car, and i have to put all this money into a car, i should at the very least get what I want. the car shopping, the rental car, the waiting is making me completely aggravated.

i just know that this fucking 20-something fucked me. my plans are all in the air for the summer, i'm completely uncomfortable driving a rental, so i barely go anywhere. if it wouldn't make me so sweaty and gross i would just ride my bike to work. i realize that all of this might be ridiculous however, i didn't want or need a new car so this entire experience is annoying. i know that it's good to be ok, and alive, but 21 days, c'mon, i'm done.

someone seriously talk me down because i am almost ready to drive to the insignificant 20-somethings house and punch her in the face.

*i know totally overdramatic, but i can't help it these two days*