Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Down to One Simple Thing.

I am not looking for sympathy, or a pat on the back, or empathy, or anything along those lines, I'm not even looking for a solution, because there is no solution. I just need this venue to complain, to vent, to scream silently.

Since my last "motivational" post I have gained 5 additional pounds. I have worked out every day and gained 5 pounds. I have cooked pretty much every meal, which in general, is well balanced, nutritious, and as healthy as I can get without eating like a damn bird. I eat because I get hungry, and I eat because when I don't eat, I get a headache; but now, I have gained a total of 12 pounds since September. I have two friends that are 13 weeks pregnant and haven't gained that much weight.

I say since September because when I returned from Hawaii, I naturally put on a couple of vacation pounds, then it became another pound. The few pounds that I had added weren't something I wasn't used to, I mean, lets face facts doesn't every one's weight fluctuated a good 2 pounds here and there? I wasn't worried, when I hit 6 pounds I became a little flustered, but again, they were quickly lost. Finally January hit, and it was a whopping 7 pounds I couldn't get rid of if you paid me. I chalked it up to the Holiday's, not really consistently working out, and pretty much eating whatever I wanted; i.e. grilled cheeses sandwiches for breakfast and lunch. 29 days into the new year, and conservatively, 20 of the 29 days (about 70% of the time) I have gone for a run, lifted, danced (Just Dance Wii Edition 2014), been insane (Insanity Program), Pilates, stretched, or Yoga'd my afternoons away. I have shopped for good healthy food and snacks and other than the nightly (single) Cookie with 1/2 glass of milk, I've pretty much been on my best eating behavior, I've also been cheese free!

I understand "get your thyroid checked", eat less, sleep more, take your vitamins, muscle weighs more than fat; I've been an athletic, active individual since I was 10, I know the deal. There is nothing wrong with my thyroid, I can say that with certainty, It gets checked every 6 months because of family history, it's always normal, I take vitamins everyday, I eat a shit-ton of green leafy vegetables, I barely have dairy, I don't eat a ton of red meat (due to stomach issues), bread is my only vise, and even then, I try to get high fiber, etc. As for fruits, I throw in a banana or an apple here and there, and magically another pound or two appear.

I'm tired kids, really, I am tired. I've been getting an average of 8.5 hours of sleep a night, so it's not a lack of sleep that is the culprit.

I'm down to one simple thing, I need to eat like a bird, or get another violent virus to kick start a weight loss. I can't seem to imagine right now what I could possibly eat less of, I'm actually getting a headache just thinking about it.

I mentioned to someone that I have gained 12 pounds earlier today and they responded with, "You look like you have lost more weight! Maybe there is a problem with your scale?" Maybe there is a problem with my scale, and my mom's scale, and all those trolls sneaking into my drawers at night to sew my clothes smaller. I couldn't care less if anyone notices that I have packed put on some pounds, I feel like garbage and feel completely uncomfortable. My biggest complaint in all of this is when this happens how am I supposed to stay motivated? how does anyone stay motivated?  How am I supposed to stay motivated in any way, shape, or form for anything?

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

the road to a better shaped me.

after doing nothing extra on Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday, I headed out today while snow was falling to do my usual 5k workout. about 13 minutes in my phone died, even though it said 45% when i left the house, and obviously didn't properly calculate my "run". i felt like garbage, but i was totally pissed off because of the technological interruption. I guess i should have looked at it as a favor being that it was about 23 degrees and snowing heavily. I got 2 miles out of today, and this week is looking super rough; cold, bad weather, running sneaker treads kinda shot, and running on the treadmill causes a lot more pain than anything else.

i was ahead of Jenski by the end of the week, but of course with my laziness and interruption today, I'm about 7 miles behind! how can i possibly make that time up?! guess, i'll just have to try.

have i mentioned, since Christmas I have gained and held onto 7 pounds, which really makes me so motivated to run. i do the usual, muscle weighs more than fat, spiel but of course, who gives a shit if it's true, its still there and i feel it. other than all that, i'm ridiculously tired, want nothing more than to stay home and snuggle with RB under the blankie, and not move, not even to eat... when's my next vacation?!?

Monday, January 20, 2014

milestone kind of a year.

2014 is filled with a lot of relationship milestones. I'm not sure why  we do things in increments of 5, they seem to be more of a milestone than in increments of 6, or 7, also milestone worthy, but 5 seems to be the go to tracking method.

March will mark RB and I's first kiss, 10 years ago!! and on March 6th we will have been married for 5 years. This is a huge deal to me, because between years 2-4, it was kinda touch and go, this isn't to say that things are perfect, because there is no such thing, but, to be married 5 years, it is a milestone after all the bullshit that we put each other through during the first few years of marriage. It's very comforting to know that we pulled through some super hard times, and have found a groove, and how to properly deal with each other instead of slicing his throat while he sleeps just to watch him bleed. 

I am excited to celebrate this milestone. We aren't big on celebrating our anniversary or things like a "first" kiss, or valentine's day, but we do have our own versions of celebrating. for instance, for valentine's day we have kosher valentine's day and we go to dinner for our anniversary. Although, you will often find us out to dinner on the weekends, we try to make sure that our anniversary dinner is slightly more "fancy". We have decided to go to the same place we went to last year to celebrate, and I'm thinking that from now on, that will be our go-to anniversary spot. 

This July will be yet another milestone, it marks the 15th anniversary of RB and I meeting each other for the first time. Maybe one day I can get him to write his version of our meet-cute, but, for now you'll have to settle for mine. 

RB and I have an interesting story, and I'm not sure if I've ever told you my version of our meet-cute, forgive me if I repeat myself.

I met Rick* in the summer of 1997,  I was 16 and he was headed to college in the fall. We hung out for some of the summer, doing what a 16 year old and an 18 year old does. He left for school and met his roommate. The following summer, 1998, Rick began working at our locale toys r' us and became friends with this kid named Sam*, Sam was a hilarious character and provided much entertainment for the remainder of the summer. One night, Rick, Sam and a few other guys all hung out, they decided to invite Rick's roommate from college, who was supposedly a very funny individual, unfortunately I was grounded for doing something I probably shouldn't have, and couldn't go. I was mostly bummed because I was 17 and stuck at home, but also because I was tired of hearing all about Rick's roommate. The summer continued and I never got the chance to meet Rick's supposed hilarious roommate. Finally, the summer of 1999 arrived and everyone was home from college! One fateful evening I arrived at Sam's parents house, as we did every night in the summer, there was a new face there. Rick was no where to be found, but Sam was talking to this nerdy looking kid in a white t-shirt, khaki shorts, and open-button down collard shirt. After being introduced to RB, Sam did something stupid, to which RB said something ridiculously sarcastic and I simply couldn't stop laughing. That was it, it was our meet-cute, ever since then he's been making me laugh ridiculously everyday. People have come and gone, but we've stayed together.

I thought once that I didn't want things to change, and then I couldn't wait for things to to change. Now, I'm glad we've gone with the flow, and I love him more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow (as corny as that sounds). I look forward to celebrating our next 5, 6, 7, 50 years, and I can't wait to continue to "ride the wave where it takes me". 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


with the new year rocking and rolling,  i was interested in getting my fitness life together and making sure my pants fit! technically I am "trying" to train for a half marathon as previously stated in earlier posts, so i'm really working on making sure I "run" a few times a week, lift, do some pilates and stretch, stretch, stretch.

while searching for a variety of ways to motivated myself,  i was reminded of a friend of mine who is training for a half marathon in the fall. with the technology we have now-a-days it makes no sense to me as to why we can't motivate each other even from 200 miles away. through little investigation, i talked my pal into joining an online/app/community so we can motivate and keep track of each others running's comings and goings.

it's been a week and we have both admitted that knowing that the other can see our activity makes us want to run, and attempt at "beating" each other in miles. Last week i ran more miles than i had done for 3 out the 4 weeks in December. (I'm ahead of my pal by a measly 1.5 miles) i'm just trying to stay a few steps ahead.

i think she would agree with me that this is the exact motivation we need. i even think we are so motivated that we are taking extra precautions to avoid any injuries. i find only a few flaws with the arrangement; 1. my race is first, 2. we aren't racing together, which could be fun.

perhaps, we can have all our friends join our little running community, and motivate each other, but i like our little competition, it's very intimate and challenging. let's go get 'em Jenski!!

Sunday, January 5, 2014

2014 First Edition

Happy New Year. I'd love to say that so many exciting things have happened over the last two weeks, alas, nothing too thrilling has occurred. With that being said, it has been 18 days since my last post, so you'll have to excuse the length/depth of this updated post.

Vacation began with unseasonably warm weather and a quick visit from a friend I haven't seen in a decade. It was great! I loved seeing her. I only wish I had more time to spend with her. We had dinner along with her sister who just recently moved to NYC from LA, we had some laughs and enjoyed our short time together. I guess I'll have to book a short getaway to Atlanta to have a slightly longer visit. The weekend also called for a celebration of my Omi's, formally known as Grandma, 85th birthday with a delicious brunch, which brought out some tearful moments, but also a grandpa I had never really experienced before. 

The entire weekend I felt nothing but nauseous, tired and had a serious lack of appetite, I was convinced I had a virus. But when it lasted longer than 3 days, I turned to the good old calendar. The waves arrival wasn't scheduled until Christmas, but I was lacking in the usual "hey hello there, tides rolling in..." types of feelings. So against my better judgement to usually wait, I took a test. To my surprise a faint double line showed up. (eeek). I text June and Jan and asked if I was imagining things, they both said no way. I was, truthfully, very excited. I showed RB the stick, and he said he didn't want to think about it because he didn't want to get his hopes up.  I was happy to feel the way I felt because I had the chance to produce a mini-me! It filled me with hope to be pregnant with June, and a friend of mine at work. Plus, what a great Christmas/Birthday present for RB, everything he's wanted since we got married almost five years ago, I mean seriously the man has been so patient and never forced me to feel negative about wanting to wait, or even be perfectly sure I wanted to pro-create.  RB and I discussed at length during lunch, after completing a Tattoo Cover-up that began in the beginning of the month (not sure of the possible affects on a "fetus"), what this could mean for us, how life will change and our feelings that coincide with it all, I didn't even have a beer at the Rangers Game as I normally would, just in case . The long and the short of it, 3 definitive negative tests and the tide rolled on in a day late, I got my poor husbands hopes up for nothing. I guess though, that he is relieved that I was excited about the prospect, this meant to him that his "dream" of a a family can happen with my help. 

Granted, again, I was disappointed, but I don't plan on changing my agenda. I plan on continuing "training" for a half marathon, and plan on taking trips, and getting more ink. I just feel  slightly more positive that I want to pro-create, and I have definitely found more love for my sweet, sweet husband after getting his hopes up and then dashing them. 

Christmas Eve, which is my favorite holiday ever because it is so quiet and intimate, was nothing short of perfect. Dinner with my three parents, and husband. Snuggling with my pup, and listening to the four of them play cards into the morning hours. This year I decided not to pretend to stay awake and watch them play cards, instead I laid on the couch watching Modern Family, napping intermittently until we left at around 2:30am. Christmas was filled with surprising joy, and usual exhaustion. We gave my Uncle (my other dad) a radio that his grandfather had years ago. It's not grandpa's radio per say, but it's the same model etc. I knew he'd like it, but I didn't know it would make him cry and tell me he loved me throughout the day. He even informed me that it was the best present he ever received. I have to admit, 1. It was never my intention to make him cry or to give him the best gift ever, obviously it is all a good thing but...2. I feel bad because I didn't bother to ask his daughter if she would have liked to give it to him. My mom said that he would have known immediately that I was the one who got it, and that I just pay attention to him because he is my other parent. My MIL took a little effort from me, but not as much as my cousin. I often have to remind myself to behave, and that the things that irk me aren't that big of a deal in reality. I survived, obviously, and Christmas was overall a lovely day. 

The rest of vacation continued as expected. days of errands, and days of hours of sleeping, eating and Netflix. RB's birthday arrived along with an exciting present all the way from Hawaii, I was so proud of myself for remembering and coming through on the awesome gift front. Sometimes, I do a shitty job, but this time, I scored big time.

We put pictures up in the apt, and purchased a dining room table, which makes our place feel more like home than any place ever before. I have spent the last 16 days with RB and wouldn't trade any minute of it for anything. Vacation's have been spoken about, nothing set or planned, but talks are always a good sign--- a Berlin, Prague, Parisian or Parisian, London, Scotland Easter is in the works. A February trip to New England has also been set up, and I'm working on a Baltimore, and Atlanta weekend. 

As usual, a family New Years Eve tradition continued this year with game playing, eating at midnight and RB playing bartender. My Aunt and Uncle drank along with RB and we laughed a lot. We weren't out too late, 2-3ish, and on New Years day, our youngest of traditions, but a tradition nonetheless, watching the Winter Classic. We love hockey and love watching 24/7 HBO documentary series on the upcoming Winter Classic teams. I had decided before school ended that it was silly to go back to that filthy "w" word, work for 2 days, so I was definitely taking the Friday after the new year off. After some extra laziness and snuggle time with RB on New Years day, I made it official, I wasn't going back till Monday, I was feeling a little under the weather
;-) it was only right I rest.

The Thursday that I played hookie, I managed to talk my mom into hookie too--- i mean, we were not feeling well in the morning, we needed some rest. The 4 of us, mom, dad, RB and myself had a day in the city playing tourist. We walked around the freezing streets of Manhattan, had lunch, went shopping, and enjoyed every minute.

Turns out our new Mayor, god-bless him, made the wonderful decision to close school on the Friday due to freezing temperatures and storm that dropped about a foot of snow on the city. So, in the end, I only had to use one of my days to help recuperate from my "eventful" vacation. Not for nothing though, between Christmas Eve, Christmas day, RB's and Omi's birthday AND New Years Eve, there really isn't that much relaxing, those days are almost like working days, up early and busy. I earned my days off, so did RB.

I warned you nothing life changing or earth shattering happened. I have simply been counting my blessings, enjoying my time and praying for the ability to recognize the miracles in my life. Happy 2014, may it bring you many miracles and joy.