don't harsh my mellow, man.

we have embarked on this new adventure and i completely blame RB. Mister- i want to own something has known dragged me into his work of nonsense. i'm aggravated and i am currently complaining because i can, knowing full well, that it isn't that big of a deal, and it will all be fine, etc. just so you all know, i'm not complaining or aggravated because i'm worried in any way, shape or form.

so, on September 26, 2012 we placed a bid on a run-down two bedroom apartment not far from where we live. it is currently almost April, and we still have no closing date in sight and not board approval date either. although both of these things are annoying, i still go with the flow and know that it will all be fine, if the sellers decide not to sell to us because this is taking too long, then so be it. i'm fine with having to look for another place to live in all honesty. but what i am currently frustrated with is the fact that i just tried to make an appointment to drop off this ridiculous package to the board of directors at the apartment and not only was the lady rude, and spoke to me as though meeting mid morning on a work day is common knowledge but also that i am an idiot for not knowing RB and I had to go. annoyance there in the fact that i get to waste a personal work day for this bullshit. mind you i could look at it as a great day to take off with my husband and spend the day, but i'm aggravated because i don't earn days the way he does, work "x" hours, get a day, nope the DOE are a bunch of dumb assholes, so everything is a project. RB should have called when he received the application to find out what the appointment thing was all about, but you know what they say about hind sight.

the worst of the worst of all this aggravation is i don't have any desire to live there anymore. i want nothing to do with this shit of a place, who have navigated the last few months of my life between telling us the bank from which we received our loan is an unacceptable bank, to springing it on us that we have to put 10% down before anything happened - which REALLY makes me irate because now we have had 10% of our down payment trapped within this fucking shit whole of an apartment. also, i can't have a dog here, and that is not what our useless realtor said when we were looking.

i've had enough. i'm broken, you have broken me. i have made an valiant attempt at keeping my mellow and not having anyone harsh it, but this just proves that i am right about so many things. i knew we shouldn't do this, but i followed RB's lead thinking, assuming, he knew best and it is apparent that he is clueless, and shouldn't have been leader on this particular mile-stone. with all this being said, i love my husband, everything WILL be fine, and work out. plus, if this is by far the worst and most aggravated i get this year, then it was a pretty good year.

9th birthday relived.

so, when i was younger i lived a life of tootie. i was never without my roller skates. to prepare for my 32nd birthday i strapped on my old skates and practiced in my mothers kitchen prior to working out- hence my awesome running pants. i almost forgot how much fun skating was, and how easy it came to me. as a matter of fact my 11 year old nephew came with me, RB, my big "sis" and good friend, and he had no clue as to what he should have been doing on said skates. it made me sad, but also think how fortunate i was when i younger that i had no fear and did everything with a skate on. i miss those skates, and that lifestyle of rolling around everywhere. i want to have a skate date every weekend, mostly when children aren't present, they get in the way with those plastic roller-skater walkers. i'm looking forward to another skate date, and maybe throwing myself a party at the rink, reliving my 9th birthday all over again. who's in?

It's Always All About ME!!

Happy birthday to me! today at 10:32pm i will officially be 32. not exactly what i thought i'd be like at 32, but i'm not unhappy about it either. my birthday in recent years has become this few day event of celebrating. i kinda like it. i blame RB. the eve before my birthday, yesterday- which is a very lovely friend of mine birthday who lives far far away, i'm sorry we are NEVER together for our days- i usually spend with my MIL.

MIL likes to have her own private time with us, and I'm more than willing to oblige. my actual birthday, dinner is at my parents house, always, if it's a weekend, i get birthday breakfast too at my favorite breakfast spot in the city. the next day, we get a birthday break because it's our wedding anniversary! ha ha- suckers. usually we do hot dogs, or something silly, this year, a fancy dinner at a new and different restaurant. finally, there's the quality party time with friends and quality family time with family. so really it's a 4 day birthday affair with 1 day anniversary break.

and just like that, it's all over and i have to wait a whole year to do it all over again. i like my birthday and i don't like it because i have to wait a whole year for it to be all about me all over again. i try to think of something every year that might be fun to do with my family and or with my friends, something different than just sitting around eating. for my dirty thirty, we played the Wii- "Just Dance"video game, that was a lot of fun. this year i suggested roller skating before dinner, just like my 9th birthday party at laces in LI. so far, everyone is in.

i used to not even want to celebrate my birthday, i felt like no one really cared, and it was an inconvenience; isn't that stupid. why should i care if it's an inconvenience? if you love me or care about me at all you make the effort, it's not my job to be concerned if you care or not. so there you have it. my birthday week actually began last friday, when i got my first birthday gifts and cards- i love cards. saturday got some more gifts, sunday was a day of relaxing. yesterday, like i said should have been with my MIL- poor thing can't remember what plans she had made, so we ended up rescheduling for next week, no big deal really. but today, today's the day, (and friday and saturday of course), the days that matter.

happy birthday to me. cheers to many years more, pal. going to lace my skates up and get ready for saturday.

no addictions = no follow through

with my 32nd birthday just round the corner i feel the need to, similar to a lot of people, think about what i have accomplished and what i will want to accomplish in the future. i don't have much, it's simply a small/short list. my biggest issue/problem/contender in not "allowing" me to follow through with my goals is the shear fact that i don't have an addictive personality. ahh, yes, you think that's great! i can't become addicted to smoking, drugs, alcohol, even shitty television programming. however, i believe that a little bit of an additive personality can go a long way when trying to achieve something like a simple accomplishment before death.

let me explain. growing up, i swam, i went to school, and college and grad school all consecutively, never stopping, never resting. this was good because i finished everything, a goal was met, and i was young, so i didn't want to disappoint, or get a shitty job. i didn't need to be addicted to any of it, and when i finished with it all, it was over, that's it, case closed. now, with a simple list of things i'd like to accomplish, none of them have really any true holds on work, health, or social benefits. lets look at the list of accomplishments quickly:

complete an ironman triathlon by age 35.
have a kid (maybe, still kinda freaks me out), by age 35.
be able to do a headstand by age 33.
travel, travel, travel before being worm food.
get another degree- photography is the degree of choice this week.
get a doctorate and become a professor of religious studies.
learn to surf.

see the list. i need an addictive personality to become addicted to working out, then and only then can i properly train for a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike finished off with a 26.2 mile run, the headstand can be worked in there as a training device, and producing healthy offspring that don't ravage my body can also be fit into that equation.

the degree stuff would be nice, then i can hit my top salary offered to me as a shit-on-their-shoes city employee. learning to surf goes with travel, travel, travel. i don't have to be an addict to travel, i think i do a decent job of traveling, i know i can do better, but i really should save more money.

i don't have an addictive personality. i watch shows and after a while i'm bored and need to move on, find another show to watch. must freak the shit out of RB, thinking i'm going to become bored with him and leave. figuring after 13 years that hasn't happened, i think it's safe to say that's were my laziness comes in; why on earth would i want to devote more time and energy in retraining, as it is he still has a long way to go! <exasperated sigh>.

even my friends aren't an addiction. as much as i love them, it's a lot of work for me to keep them. probably why i don't have that many and the ones i do have know this about me, and therefore help-a-sister-out. i hope no one is reading this and thinking, "what an awful human being, doesn't like, her friends, husband or TV!?" it's not like that. some things for me have to be mindless, i wish i were addicted to something productive, at least then i'd have follow through. seriously, with a show of hands how many of you have actually received your crossed-stitched blankets that have all been started but none yet finished?!

 i am devoted to my friends and family, not addicted to them, and i can't seem to find something or anything to be devoted or addicted to at this stage in the game that will aid in achieving my small, goals.  i will look around at other people and have a sigh of relief that at the very least i have done something in my life, and i know what i want to be "when i grow up", but it's the middle that's fucking me up.

so happy birthday to me, maybe i can become addicted to exercise long enough to achieve some of the shit above, and then take a few online courses here and there to get a pay raise which would provide me with more money to travel. see, it's seems easy. now if only i can off the couch.