no addictions = no follow through

with my 32nd birthday just round the corner i feel the need to, similar to a lot of people, think about what i have accomplished and what i will want to accomplish in the future. i don't have much, it's simply a small/short list. my biggest issue/problem/contender in not "allowing" me to follow through with my goals is the shear fact that i don't have an addictive personality. ahh, yes, you think that's great! i can't become addicted to smoking, drugs, alcohol, even shitty television programming. however, i believe that a little bit of an additive personality can go a long way when trying to achieve something like a simple accomplishment before death.

let me explain. growing up, i swam, i went to school, and college and grad school all consecutively, never stopping, never resting. this was good because i finished everything, a goal was met, and i was young, so i didn't want to disappoint, or get a shitty job. i didn't need to be addicted to any of it, and when i finished with it all, it was over, that's it, case closed. now, with a simple list of things i'd like to accomplish, none of them have really any true holds on work, health, or social benefits. lets look at the list of accomplishments quickly:

complete an ironman triathlon by age 35.
have a kid (maybe, still kinda freaks me out), by age 35.
be able to do a headstand by age 33.
travel, travel, travel before being worm food.
get another degree- photography is the degree of choice this week.
get a doctorate and become a professor of religious studies.
learn to surf.

see the list. i need an addictive personality to become addicted to working out, then and only then can i properly train for a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike finished off with a 26.2 mile run, the headstand can be worked in there as a training device, and producing healthy offspring that don't ravage my body can also be fit into that equation.

the degree stuff would be nice, then i can hit my top salary offered to me as a shit-on-their-shoes city employee. learning to surf goes with travel, travel, travel. i don't have to be an addict to travel, i think i do a decent job of traveling, i know i can do better, but i really should save more money.

i don't have an addictive personality. i watch shows and after a while i'm bored and need to move on, find another show to watch. must freak the shit out of RB, thinking i'm going to become bored with him and leave. figuring after 13 years that hasn't happened, i think it's safe to say that's were my laziness comes in; why on earth would i want to devote more time and energy in retraining, as it is he still has a long way to go! <exasperated sigh>.

even my friends aren't an addiction. as much as i love them, it's a lot of work for me to keep them. probably why i don't have that many and the ones i do have know this about me, and therefore help-a-sister-out. i hope no one is reading this and thinking, "what an awful human being, doesn't like, her friends, husband or TV!?" it's not like that. some things for me have to be mindless, i wish i were addicted to something productive, at least then i'd have follow through. seriously, with a show of hands how many of you have actually received your crossed-stitched blankets that have all been started but none yet finished?!

 i am devoted to my friends and family, not addicted to them, and i can't seem to find something or anything to be devoted or addicted to at this stage in the game that will aid in achieving my small, goals.  i will look around at other people and have a sigh of relief that at the very least i have done something in my life, and i know what i want to be "when i grow up", but it's the middle that's fucking me up.

so happy birthday to me, maybe i can become addicted to exercise long enough to achieve some of the shit above, and then take a few online courses here and there to get a pay raise which would provide me with more money to travel. see, it's seems easy. now if only i can off the couch.