grown-up stuff

my cousin, who i often refer to as my younger sister unfortunately has crohn's disease. it's not a nice disease, it causes all these intestinal problems etc. it's a genetic disease. so, after visiting with my gastro doctor, a lovely petite asian woman, it was suggested that perhaps my severe IBS (irritable bowl syndrome- delicious), could be crohn's. the only way to tell... colonoscopy. i hope everyone knows that this type of procedure isn't normally done prior to age 50, unless of course, there's an issue. how lucky and happy was i when i found out i might have an issue and this was the solution at 31.

i scheduled my fabulous procedure for a date that i knew i'd be off from work, because as much as my principal is caring, i don't like having to explain to her why i need certain procedures, because she gets a little overly concerned. the directions specifically said, no corn, iron, high-fiber foods, green leafy vegetables at least 3 days prior to the procedure. day before procedure only clear liquids, no solid foods, or anything with red/purple dyes. then of course there's the "bowel prep kit"!! drink 6 ounces of this liquid "mr. plumber" at 5pm with 10 ounces of water, drink it within 1 hour at your own pace. then the next hour drink 32 ounces of water. repeat this process 6 hours prior to your procedure. my procedure was at 9:30 am so you can imagine my excitement ot get up at 3 am and do this task all over again.

well, i followed these directions to a "T" and i was so hungry. i thought that it wouldn't be so bad, but the more food i realized i couldn't eat, the more lime jell-o i ate. i don't think i could have lime jell-o for a long time. of course the liquid "bowel prep kit" was another issue. it smelled like cough syrup, which isn't anything i mind, but the taste! oh goodness THE TASTE!!, is completely indescribable. i choked that shit down as fast as humanly possibly concentrating on not bringing it back up. I went to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes for the next 2 hours. I swore i lost 10 lbs, but i didn't. the first round of drinking the 48 ounces of water and prep kit, my belly looked like i was 6 months pregnant it was so full of liquid, and it hurt. the act of running to the bathroom was annoying for the next few hours but the act wasn't terrible.

waking up at 2, because i knew what i was in store for i pushed it an hour, was a bit of a struggle. i drank that shit again in 15 minutes, the next 32 ounces in 15 minutes and watched some Seinfeld from 2-3am. Thank goodness for something good to watch. bath rooming was not as frequent or necessary.

after arriving at the office at 9:15 for my procedure, my blood pressure was taken, 106/60, weight taken, and prepped. i was knocked out, because when you think about what a colonoscopy is there AIN'T NO WAY you can do this awake. i woke up, asked for RB and waited to go see the doctor with results. i felt no pain, my blood pressure was even lower than before something like 98/60, to which i informed the nurse i usually have a really low bp. we went in and saw my petite asian doctor, i told her usually i prefer dinner and drinks before anyone sees my ass to which she chuckled and agreed and told me that i was free of crohn's. i have nothing extremely serious wrong with me, just some severe IBS.

i'm sure you are all wondering why did i tell you this story. the reasons are simple; i OFFICIALLY feel like an adult. this kind of doctors appointment and procedure makes you a sure-fire adult. i wanted to tell you that it's not that bad. it sounds unpleasant and i don't recommend it before you need it, but it's not that bad, plus, i find the humor in the seriousness of having procedures so young, they make me prepared for anything later on. it's the same way i feel about RB being so sick years ago, or when we lost his dad and his grandfather a few months apart after being married a month. it's not funny ha ha, but funny odd, and i feel prepared for anything because of all of it.

next adult things on the horizon- a possible home/co-op purchase and maybe a kid... we'll see. i doubt though that i'll ever really be a grown-up, regardless of my experiences.