i only feel a little bad...

when i was about 15 years old i had decided that when i was 18 years old i would get a tattoo. i thought long and hard about what i was going to get permanently placed on my body and would only do it once maximum twice. the first week i was at college i went with friends to get my thoughtful first tattoo. of course being 18 i still kinda got something silly, but nothing off a wall. it was an Asian character that read "free spirit". it worked well for me, and it helped me pay tribute to my recently deceased friend, jason, who was hit by a mack truck and died a few days later after being declared brain dead. that was it, i was done. well, until i got the itch a few months later.

they say once you get one tattoo, you never really stop. i believe this holds true for people who really put thought into their artwork and the meaning behind it.

august came just before starting sophomore year and again after thinking long and hard, i decided on my second and "final" piece of ink. when i was 13, my dad, my forever valentine, gave me a stuffed frog. it also commemorated the fact that i survived my first year away from home and completing that first year of college. so, yup, that's what i got. a frog.

i went a while before getting the itch again. after graduating in 4 years, surprising all of my family who assumed i would have transferred and moved home due to the crushing home sickness i felt after the first year, and getting a job plus getting into grad school, i put some more thought into what would be my next and "last" tattoo. i got a beautifully done horseshoe for luck in the next step of my adult life.

years continued to fly by, and the itch grew stronger and stronger. i had thought of 2 more tattoos to get and decided that once i got those i would be officially done. while all this thinking was happening, life was going by, and big things, little moments, everything was happening. my parents are not fans of tattoos, and they knew i had at least one and mom had asked if that could be it. i told her it would be. of course that was before the horseshoe- oops! oh well. anyway, my 4th tattoo actually was a cover-up. i covered up my first tattoo ever. after 11 years of gaining weight, losing weight, and working out, that original symbol wasn't looking good, not at all. it looked nothing like it used to and to be perfectly honest it never really looked good, it wasn't done very well. the cover-up i used is/was an elephant. my grandma loved elephants and i had thought long and hard of what to get, so that was it. an elephant silhouette. a cover-up. almost done.

can't even tell where the original one is.

i had been through a lot at this point and again decided that a hummingbird would come next. i had an artist friend of mine draw it out and brought it to an amazing tattoo artist who was recommended by another friend. of course while finalizing the plan for the hummingbird, it hits me. another tattoo idea. fine, fine i tell myself, it'll be small. i asked my mom for hand written letters by my grandmother, and she asks what for. i tell her i want to get a small tattoo of the word "faith" in grandma's handwriting. as my mom is telling me how stupid i am to get another tattoo, she is also looking for the letters. thanks mom. you make me feel only a little bad about doing it. i chose faith because my mom constantly reminds me to have faith regardless of what i am doing and what is happening around me. to have faith that "it" will all work out and be the way it was meant to be, to have faith in myself and my abilities as well as my ability to choose right from wrong and lastly, to know that someone out there is helping me out when i need it. my amazing artist did the best she could with the letters. she was able to recreate every letter to a "t" except for the lower case "f" we fixed that together from my memory. i love this tattoo and it is beautifully done. it took about a minute and a half to get done and felt like a tickle.

a few months after the "faith" was completed, i went back to have the hummingbird completed. i had to find an alternate placement for her. i forgot to mention earlier that all the previous tattoos, (except "faith"), are on my lower back, hidden from public view on a daily/regular basis. i wanted the hummingbird larger, but again, not in public view. i decided on my ribs. it only hurt a little and took about an hour. my amazing artist doesn't do color, but liked me and my ideas so much, she agreed to add just a little bit of color. with RB's help, some awesome details were put in.

that's it. i'm done! i don't regret any of my tattoos, not even the first one. i do however, feel a little bad that i "defaced" my body, as my mom would say. i feel a little bad because growing up all i heard from my mom was how hard she worked on creating me, keeping me healthy, and how she didn't drink coffee for 9 months. she would tell me that she felt guilty that i got my dad's genetics for eyesight because we both wore glasses, or that she didn't work hard enough on my self-esteem because she wasn't positive enough about her own body image in front me as a young impressionable girl. so, yeah, i felt kinda bad that i voluntarily "defaced" and "ruined" her hard work.

that guilt lasted about a year...

mom: "you think i don't know that you have a bunch of tattoos?"
me: "i never said that. i just don't feel the need to announce or have them in public view."
mom: "well, i know. there's no point in thinking otherwise."
me: "i don't think i'm done. i think i'm going to get daddy's handwriting, you know from a card, of 'love daddy' tattooed somewhere, maybe my hip or something."
mom: <gasp> "daddy's handwriting is so ugly. i can't believe you, you have all these tattoos and you don't even think about getting 'lil' girl'!?"

my mom has been calling me, and writing notes to me addressing them as "lil' girl" for as long as i can remember, so it would make sense that she would suggest it. oh wait a minute, NO IT DOESN'T! my mom is now suggesting ink ideas?!

next step. get it done. and i did. i don't know if she's seen it yet. dad has. he has no comment other than "what's that?" to which i respond, "what's, what?" all in all, i only feel a little bad that i have "defaced" her hard work 7 times.  i just wonder where my next one will be.