i have 3 "godchildren" however, only 1 of the 3 have been baptized which makes me really her "godmother". it just so happens that she is also the first godchild i have, which in turn makes her my favorite, but that can always change (wink, wink).
AC was born when i was 10 days shy of my 14th birthday. i was in the 8th grade and living it up. she was born and it was a shock to have her come along, but alas, she was a blessing in disguise as most surprise babies are. she had big blue eyes, and a huge grin. she was a happy baby from what i can remember, and she looked just like her mother. when she was baptized i swore to god that i would teach her all the things a godmother is supposed to teach her, and then some. she had many nicknames and talents, Medusa was one name on the list, and by age 4 she could recite and perform every move in the "Spice Girls Movie". it only occurred to me recently that when she was growing and being a kids kid, i was in college, and missed out on some important teachings.
all of a sudden she was in high school, and i had been "gone", from her life. i mean i was there to go to dance recitals, and birthdays, and even babysit on the rare occasion that her grandparents couldn't babysit. i tried to help out, but i didn't want to over step my boundaries as a godmother and not a parent. what i didn't realize is that you can make suggestions or help out as long as you figure out a good way to do it, but, the tricky thing with first children and first time parents is that you (the parent) want to figure it out, and do it your way. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. this isn't to say AC wasn't raised well, or had everything she ever asked for and more, this is more of a hit on my own ego that i wish i spoke up more often to make an effort in understanding her.
i understand this kid more than she knows. i can speak the things she has trouble putting into words, but instead i chose to sit back and not help her out, and watch her make silly choices that could have been avoided. silly choices will be made regardless of who intervenes, BUT, repetitive silly choices can always be avoided. i don't blame myself completely, i am not mad at myself, but i am disappointed that someone like me, so outspoken most of the time, couldn't open my mouth to help the kid out.
nothing terrible has happened, nothing earth shattering that is. i just worry she'll turn out like me, as awesome as i am, i have, if you haven't noticed, a lot of built of bullshit that brews and sits and soaks into the recesses of my mind and fucks with me and my choices as an adult. i wouldn't wish my "retardation" on anyone, it's no way to live.
she's a great kid. smart, beautiful, caring, kind, hilarious, family oriented, sweet, and good taste in music- (which is a recent phenomenon). she turns 18 on sunday, and i just hope that she realizes all the good and beauty in this world she is. she's deserving of so much more than she gives herself credit for, and truly, can be, ANYTHING.
18? shit! i'm old. guess, that makes me, 27 all over again.
Happy birthday my dear, darling, sweet, AC! Cheers to many HAPPY, amazing, and wonderful years more! love- yaya
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