this might be a little too much detail for some of you, or maybe it's just me. i'm not a private person, per say, but there are definitely things, events, thoughts, that i choose to keep to myself. one key big one is sex. i grew up in a very private/conservative type house on really only one front- sex. (money was the other, but i don't think that made much of a difference to me). i know about sex obviously, and i know, according to my mother what is ladylike and what isn't, as well as what is a feminist approach to ladylike behavior. sex wasn't open for discussion. even now if i attempt at talking about "baby-making" with my mother it is very, very "G" rated.
when i was a kid i wanted to be an obstetrician. so i read a ton of medical books to learn about babies, and growth. i'm a teacher and i know a good amount about child development, and mom's a physical therapist specializing in child development, which means that during conversations, i've become involved in learning more about child physical development. for someone who hasn't had a child, i sure do know a lot about having one and how they should "normally" develop.
now, you're wondering what does all this have to do with one another- the start of this is i wanted to properly introduce you into a topic that isn't usually something i am willing or was taught you discuss. next, well, i hate when mom's assume we non-moms don't have a clue about child care, child rearing, or child development, get over yourselves. women have been having children for millions of years, you haven't done anything that hasn't been done before, you don't need a medal for taking good care of your kids either. as much as all you mom's love to get on the non-mom population, or your kidless friends, you yourselves are no different than the non-moms. a lot of your kidless friends will say what they say out of frustration for not having their own children, however, we all make choices in life, and we have chosen the paths we are all on (for the most part). i'm appreciative to my two best friends who trust that although i am one of the childless people in the world, i'm not naive, uneducated, or not well versed in child care, child rearing, or child development.
the choice to be childless is not always an easy one, especially when you are married to a man like RB who has always wanted children, or when your best friends are people like this who create amazing kids, and love you and keep you apart of their lives as well as they do, or when your other friends produce the most amazing children in the universe and all you can think about is having your own miniature version of yourself. oh man, did i say that out loud?!? it's the truth people, i don't care about the circle of life so much, i don't care about anything other than (really) the selfish act of creating a miniature version of myself in hopes that she could trump my amazingness and be so much more than me. i don't want a friend in my child, i want child who loves her mother as much as i love mine, and she hers. who thinks i'm the "cats meow" just as i do my own, who is her mothers shadow, just as she was her moms. it's selfish, all of it, and i don't care.
the uncharted territory is this- i don't find myself "trying" to conceive, or working at it at all, but when my well documented, never a day late, perfect, very regular, almost a nazi, 28 day cycle runs to a sudden 31 day cycle (?!?!), i couldn't help but to envision that amazingly funny and smart mini-rapunzel. alas, stress most likely played a key role in the delay, but i honestly have to admit i was disappointed. i know this news makes some of my favorite people happy to hear, but it also scares the living bejeezus out of me. there are so many things that could go wrong in life, that having a mini-me could really make things messy.
i suppose though, if it ever happens, it was totally supposed to happen. it has never happened before, not even a scare really, never in my life did i have to think once let alone twice about a plan b, or recollect the nights happenings, which brings another weird thought to my mind- my aunt couldn't have kids, and it was something genetic, and that could be me. which would totally be fine, honest, i'd be fine with it, i would just like to know now though, so that the territory uncharted won't be uncharted anymore, and from there, RB and I can take a step back and look at what we want out of life, either together, or not. only time will tell.
life is a crazy ride, and it's funny, so laugh.
1. I had to stop voicing my opinion about things related to education or children with my sister after she once astutely pointed out that I don't have them and don't understand. (Which made me cry because I completely disagree, and then she apologized.)
ReplyDelete2. Direct from a soon to be daddy when we were talking about babies: "How do you know so much about having a baby?"
:-)
I am feeling compelled to admit openly that for moms that birthed their child you're right, childless women don't necessarily comprehend the unconditional love you have for your child, the endless worrying or pain you felt might be something we can't relate to but don't simply count us out on our knowledge about raising, birthing or a variety of kid-centric ideas, activities or concepts.
DeletePersonally, I do not regret one single moment, this far, about being a childless woman. However, don't mistake my choice to lead the life I do as your opening to discuss my "endless" amounts of money, or free time or whatever else it is that so many parents "complain" about after having children. It all goes back to choice. I believe in that whole heartedly. There are many things that childless people say out of envy and misunderstanding, but instead of dismissing those people by saying its because they don't have children educated them on what they might (or might not be) missing out on.
Lastly, if people just kept their opinions to themselves a lot of animosity might be avoided.
I agree, and I am more likely to ask my Mom friends and family questions about kids and parenting. The conversation had been about schools and teachers and education, so I had apparently wrongly assumed that as a future educator and generally just a caring and contributing member of society I could have an opinion about schools. Haha - I make it sound like my sister and I don't get along, which isn't true. It's the one time I can think of right now when she wasn't willing to entertain my opinion, which is probably why it was upsetting at the time (that and the drinking that was happening too). :-)
DeleteThanks to jenski for always making me feel like I'm not totally alone in this world.
ReplyDeleteI think a mini rapunzel sounds like one fantastic little girl and I wouldn't miss being part of her life for the world. That being said, if she is only ever a day dream I still need you and your infinite wisdom. I didn't have the world's greatest mom...I will always need women in my life who did, to show me the way. <3
ReplyDeleteLuckily you're a great mom inspite of what you had; thank you for always letting me feel like being a childless person doesn't make me a worthless person. (And for acknowledging that [i think] I had the worlds greatest mom).
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