not my best moment

I've gone bat shit crazy. I've been doing such a good job, (if I do say so myself) at ignoring the stupid people around me. I have pretty much steered clear of facebook, walked away from conversations that make me feel the word vomit creep its way up through my throat, I've (tried) to keep my mouth shut. running at lunch has really helped me control my inability to ignore, and when I don't get out, I feel it.

today wasn't a particularly rough day. no days in recent years have been particularly rough. here and there, there have been moments in a day that I didn't think I'd make it through, but I managed. I've learned to speak to RB when I get home, and not yell at him for things that have little to nothing to do with him. Today was no different either. I was able to talk to him about my aggravating day.

again, I reiterate, that nothing was particularly hard, rough, or overwhelming, it was probably just the day where everything hit a point, and I simply couldn't take it.

I could easily get into the details, and complain (first world problems), but, I'm choosing not to. I am choosing to say that I'm slightly embarrassed for loosing my mind today, luckily, I lost it in front of people, I feel like are... my friends. (I might have shown signs of "crazy" earlier in the day, but the true rant and crazy didn't rear it's ugly head until I was with friends). It was not my best moment.

I'm thinking I'm tired, I'm stressing (or showing signs of anxiety) about things that, up until recently, I have learned to let go. I might need a break, and the end of June can't come soon enough. I shouldn't rush time, or my life away, but I just want to what I want to do; not for anyone else, not for work, not to make anyone else's life easier/more convenient or appease anyone. I want to go to the beach, stay up late, drink beer outside, workout when I want to, (have my clothes fit).

Take a breath, stand back, and relax.