superstitious but i don't care

i am a superstitious person, maybe sometimes to a fault. i often say "god forbid", "god forgive me", "knock on wood", while i actually knock on wood. spilt salt will be thrown over the correct shoulder, i try to not say bad or mean things about peoples kids because if i have kids some day i don't want anything bad or mean, or ugly to be said about them. i try really hard to be a fucking duck and let things that are insignificant roll off me; but shit, sometimes, that pile of shit that you just swallow doesn't work, it makes it worse for you. yesterday and today is one of those days- luckily for you, especially Jenski, you enjoy the insignificant random rants. i'm sorry for those i offend, and i'm sorry for those that find these posts mean. *correction, i'm not fucking sorry, some people truly suck, and they should really know; maybe one day i'll have the pleasure of letting them in the secret.

a woman i work with, ugh, we'll call her elephant ass, (thanks for the nickname *karen), sits so inappropriately at work, it grosses me out. i can live with that. she turns the chair around with her legs spread open, you know what i'm talking about, and then she lets her saggy-ass breasts hang over the front of the chair. but that's not the worst part, like i said this is just inappropriate in my eyes, miss fucking-prim that i am. i handed something to her the other day and her response to me was, "now, that's a good little girl". it took all my strength not to lunge at her and choke the fuck out of her. she's lucky that she was with a group of kids and i turned my ass around and walk out of that class. no one, not even my mom talks to me like that. she constantly asks stupid questions, which isn't actually the worst part, what makes it worse is that she asks them 95% of the time when i am dealing with a kid in crisis, or in a situation, and they are insignificant questions, like "where is ms. so-and-so's class?" as though i'm her fucking keeper, or "have you seen the picture of my magnificently rich, doctor son?" go the fuck away. all these things separately mean nothing, but together, they add up to a whole lot of an annoying human being. she irks me. she's insignificant, but i can't get rid of her. she asks all the time, "do you like me?" what are we, 15? who gives a shit if i like you? and the answer is no! shut the fuck up, no! go away! i don't like you. you're annoying. and the next time you call me "little girl" i'm gonna show you how little i'm not.

moving on...

now on to your fucking children. calling all people out there with children. your life does not mean more than mine because you are a parent. it holds no more value than mine because you are a parent. you are not a better fucking person because you have chosen to procreate and your time is not worth more than mine because you have been unsuccessful in keeping your legs together, that was a choice you made. whether you made that choice mindfully or not, it was nevertheless a choice. i have friends who have children who do not act this way in which i am describing, they do not pretend that i am a lesser human because i have chosen to not procreate. they have not made me feel as though my money is not being "invested wisely" because i am choosing to go on vacations, and buy shoes, and clothes.

i also have friends that often offer their unsolicited advice on child rearing, and ovulation. they often remind me of my age, (thanks asshole, i'm fully capable of computing the math, i'll be 31 this march fyi), dude, i'm a fucking teacher; i've studied child development. i have cousins, godchildren, i have been around babies, just because i haven't pushed one out my dime sized hole doesn't mean i don't know what the fuck to do with them when i'm around them. the same goes for the reverse; just because you've pushed one out of your dime sized hole doesn't mean you know what the fuck you're doing either.

now on to your ugly children. i find most newborn babies to be unattractive. i'm sorry. god forgive me. i wish it weren't true. but i have seen few newborns that i thought, "wow! that's a cute baby" it just doesn't happen for me. eventually though, they turn cute. but not all babies are cute, not all kids are cute, just like not all adults are cute or good looking. lets be fair here. someone has to be unattractive. i'm just being honest. i have seen some ugly babies and children. i would never tell a parent that their kid is dumb, just like i would never tell a friend or family member their kid is ugly, but let's face it, they can't all be beauty-queens. for all i know, if i ever do have kids, i might have some ugly ass kids, i hope that i will see beyond the ugly and only see beauty, but i doubt it. i might have to tell my kids, "well little rapunzel, you're not easy on the eyes, but at least you're not stupid!"

hell in a hand basket i tell you, hell in a hand basket. the devils been awaiting for me... i'm not too worried, i'm sure i'll have plenty of good company. to be perfectly honest, i'd rather get it out than keep it inside. that shit pile builds up, and just chokes me, i'm good to those who deserve it, who earn it,  and those who don't, well... they are just insignificant.