like a caged animal

locked up. i should have been locked up like a caged animal in a sound proof cage. for days i was suffering from word vomit and it was falling out of my mouth. most of it, if not all of it was not warranted in any way. almost everything i thought came spewing out of my mouth. reactions that i would normally keep to myself, especially those that might hurt someone elses' feelings i would keep to myself, simply fell out of my mouth out into the air; i offended people.

i should have been locked up.

instead, i tried desperately to keep away from everyone. i stayed in my classroom, i didn't answer the phone, i even warned people prior to speaking to me. oh shit, it was bad. i told a friend of mine that i didn't particularly care for one of her friends, in not so many nice ways. i wasn't even provoked. i apologized a day later. another day, i mocked another girls friend for thinking something stupid, when in reality it wasn't that big of a deal, again, came clean and apologized. i didn't drink all week for fear that i might spew some heinous shit on other innocent bystanders.

don't worry, all the unwarranted nasty mouthing off karma came back. i was supposed to visit Jan and June last weekend and managed to get violently ill for the weekend. i was on my way up to new england when i had to pull over and actually vomit on the side of i95. no more word vomit. turned right around and drove home. i was alone the entire weekend. RB had made plans and was out of the apt everyday all day, as was everyone else. no one actually wanted to be near me.

i suppose in the end of trying to keep myself away, i became like a caged animal. i couldn't go anywhere, and i had no where to go. karma got me. maybe karma went a little overboard with the pain and the violent illness, i mean i did apologize and felt bad for my unwarranted behavior.

either way, karma will get you, i knew it would. i'm actually glad it locked me up like a caged animal, i got my just desserts... maybe next time don't go so far karma, i'm still feeling your effects.

i need help

i know i said that this hair will grow, and i didn't lie. shit. i didn't fucking lie. i know my hair grows fast but this is fucking stupid. i'd say that in 3 weeks, about a half-inch to an inch has grown. i can completely pin the bangs back, i look silly at this point. i'm not sure why i even bother. it's never bothered me to have gray hair, but the way my hair falls, and won't stay straight or curl, i have these rando wavy white hair. pretty creepy looking if you ask me,

and

i officially have no idea how the fuck to use a curling iron. i don't give a shit who tells me how "simple", "easy", "five minutes it takes", it doesn't. i'm not good at it. i can't do it. tools and i are not friends. i need to go to beauty school just to learn how to put on make-up myself and do my own hair.

someone help, i'm pathetic at 31 years old...

bitch please...

you ever wonder how phrases become apart of your everyday vernacular? your friends, that's how. "bitch please" is just one of many phrases that has made it's way into my everyday words and phrases. it's the newest addition. also, its one of the funniest. it's not just funny because of the women with whom it originates from, because they are all fucking hysterical, but, the way in which they, and now i use, "bitch, please", puts us into a fit of laughter. "bitch please" can and is used for a variety of reasons; in exchange for an "excuse me", "watch it!", "fuck-off", "c'mon", "seriously?", "no way!", "of course", "absolutely", and just in sheer agreement with one another. use it in addition to the word PERIOD with the motion of making a PERIOD in the air, and you've got a few idiotic looking women laughing and shouting "bitch please, PERIOD" for what seems like, no good reason. 

"what?" with and extended "-at" sound is courtesy of another friend, as well as "wicked", "really?", and a personal favorite, "just the tip". 

"just the tip" fits almost anywhere, even when you think it doesn't. seriously, tomorrow, try it when someone doesn't suspect it, or when you hear the word, "tip", say, "just the tip?" it can sound so dirty, but yet not be dirty at all. simply fabulous, i tell you.

i love having conversations with certain friends, you can always tell who you have been hanging out with most recently just by which phrases you have been using... PERIOD. 

 

it's only hair...

obviously my name is rapunzel for my long hair, and although it isn't blonde it's rather long. i recently went to get a trim. a much needed trim. i usually go once a year. my hair dresser is a family friend who did my hair for my wedding and we love her very much. however, when she has certain clients in the shop she tends to not pay attention.

i requested a clean-up kinda of a job. 3 inches tops off of my hair and no one would have even noticed. last year i cut bangs but after doing so, noticed I have a problem. i can't style my hair. extra brushes, combs, flat irons, blowers, or curling irons and any styling products of any kind, i have no idea how to properly make use of.

here i am asking for a clean up, minimal of 3 inches, and i remove my glasses and it begins. she becomes distracted, chatty, pulls the hair to the front, and cuts. finally, after about 20-30 minutes, blow dried, curling ironed, and brushed out, my year before bangs aren't cleaned up, they have now reappeared, and 8 inches have been removed from the end of my hair!

it's only hair and it'll grow in no time but, now i am left with getting up 10 minutes earlier, attempting to style my hair, buying a curling iron, looking like a damned hipster. the other issue that i have is i feel like i have to find a new "hair" person.  which in it of itself is upsetting. either way, i gotta tell ya, i want to shave my head, instead of  styling my hipster short haircut.

it may not be short for you, but it's short for me... but it's only hair and it'll grow back... eventually.

my month...

happy march! who says you can't go for a run on the boardwalk listening to the waves crash on the shore to welcome a new month.. "rabbit, rabbit" and good luck with that...