like a caged animal

locked up. i should have been locked up like a caged animal in a sound proof cage. for days i was suffering from word vomit and it was falling out of my mouth. most of it, if not all of it was not warranted in any way. almost everything i thought came spewing out of my mouth. reactions that i would normally keep to myself, especially those that might hurt someone elses' feelings i would keep to myself, simply fell out of my mouth out into the air; i offended people.

i should have been locked up.

instead, i tried desperately to keep away from everyone. i stayed in my classroom, i didn't answer the phone, i even warned people prior to speaking to me. oh shit, it was bad. i told a friend of mine that i didn't particularly care for one of her friends, in not so many nice ways. i wasn't even provoked. i apologized a day later. another day, i mocked another girls friend for thinking something stupid, when in reality it wasn't that big of a deal, again, came clean and apologized. i didn't drink all week for fear that i might spew some heinous shit on other innocent bystanders.

don't worry, all the unwarranted nasty mouthing off karma came back. i was supposed to visit Jan and June last weekend and managed to get violently ill for the weekend. i was on my way up to new england when i had to pull over and actually vomit on the side of i95. no more word vomit. turned right around and drove home. i was alone the entire weekend. RB had made plans and was out of the apt everyday all day, as was everyone else. no one actually wanted to be near me.

i suppose in the end of trying to keep myself away, i became like a caged animal. i couldn't go anywhere, and i had no where to go. karma got me. maybe karma went a little overboard with the pain and the violent illness, i mean i did apologize and felt bad for my unwarranted behavior.

either way, karma will get you, i knew it would. i'm actually glad it locked me up like a caged animal, i got my just desserts... maybe next time don't go so far karma, i'm still feeling your effects.