remove the sign

please remove the sign that apparently is on me or every vehicle i drive that say "HIT ME". when i graduated form college my parents helped me buy my very first car, my dream car, a punch buggy. i loved "nancy". she was a great little beetle. gray, 6-disc changer, tape-player, moonroof, she was fabulous. until one fateful night in NJ when i made a left turn and a guy going 55 mph in a 25 mph area smashed right into me. luckily i wasn't badly injured. my car was fixed in 3 months time and i was back in business, however, "nancy" was never the same again, so my uncle came home from work with "lucy" my volvo S40.

 i wasn't happy about it, but it was better than dealing with the issues that "nancy" had been providing me with. "lucy" was fast amazingly more roomy, and i loved her. being a volvo, i would have her and run her into the ground, i wouldn't trade her in. i debated a few times trading her in, just as a quick thought and it went away, i was happy with "lucy". last month, i was driving to the city for work, and a man made a left turn right into me... $4,500 in repairs to the front end of my car, his insurance paid for it, again, luckily i was ok, and i was so happy to have "lucy" back. i did again, debate trading her in, but i took that thought back and was happy to drive her back to the beach.

this past tuesday on my way to my last day of tutoring i was in stop and go traffic. i was stopped for a few minutes when a beautiful 20 something driving an acura SUV slammed into me so violently that rear-windshield shattered and flew into my front seat, my front seat back separated from the seat part, and my trunk was in my backseat. i have no idea what on earth she was doing. all i know is that my car was pronounced totaled out friday afternoon and i am left to go car shopping, one of the worst types of shopping there is. i'd rather go bathing suit shopping. yeah, i went to the hospital, yeah, i've got a bunch of bruises and i was feeling beat up and tired for a few days, and yeah, i'm ok, but my "lucy"! my unnatural love for inanimate objects kicked in, i was so sad, i began to cry. i cried when i went to the auto body shop to clean out my car, the poor guy must have thought i was insane.

now, i am left to worry that insurance may fuck me out of money towards a new car, i have to partly pay for a rental car, i have to shop for a new car instead of being on the beach, and i have to stretch and make sure that the pain i have in my neck and back isn't accident related. i've already had enough.

one day i fear someone is going to kill me. i'm always glad that thank goodness, i am alone in the car, but what if that sign isn't removed and i'm not alone. all i could say this last time when i was hit was "oh, fuck" it was quiet, but it was said.

i would like it very much so for the sign to be removed from my cars and people to please oh please, stop hitting me. i'm not fucking invisible.

what a day to be a dad.

my dad is working today. this blows. i mean, i am happy to hang out with my uncles however, fathers day, similar to mothers day, sucks as it is and now i don't even get to be with my own daddy. that's right i said daddy, because fuck you if you don't think that this man is not my fucking daddy, he was my daddy when i was 2, 10, 15, 25 and now 31, so fuck-off. sure when i talk to people i refer to him as "my dad" and when i talk to him i call him "daddy" majority of the time, same thing holds true for my mommy. my mom's dad died when she was 10, my dad's dad died when he was 28 and RB's dad died when he was 29, so, yeah, fuck off if you think i'm not going to call this man that i am lucky to have around still daddy. i digress...

father's day. another dumb holiday. forcing me to be places i don't want to be. i just want to be with my dad, like i need an excuse to be with him. this year fathers day has been combined with my aunt's birthday and my cousins daughters birthday. 3 birds, 1 stone. so, i guess it's safe to say that this father's day isn't really fathers day, its more like a family gathering with cake. so it works out, kinda.

my dad is very special to me, and that isn't to say that your dad isn't important or special to you. but growing up with both parents who lost both their fathers at a fairly young age i learned to cherish my dad early on. my dad has always been one of my favorite people and best friends. my dad has died once for a few minutes and been revived, he has broken his "damn-fool-neck" twice and lived to tell the tale, he has done at least 4 ironman triathlons, 3 half-ironman triathlons, and hundreds of other races. he's been a friend, an enemy, a supporter, and a protector. he's a hero, my hero, and i love him, more than i can ever conceive. RB not having his dad makes me love my dad even more. RB wants to spend father's day with his dad, but now that he can't, says he's so glad he gets to now spend it with my dad. my dad is a special man. you should love him, most people that know him do. but i don't need a day to love him more. i love him more and more every day i have my dad in this world with me.

happy father's day dad, and to all the daddy's, uncles, godfathers, cousins, friends, brothers, men, and women who take care of someone special in their life. thank you from me to you. i cherish you, all of you and i don't need a day... 

dave matthews band for the, what, 9th time?

i have gone to a bunch of dave matthews band concerts. i have seen dave alone, and with the band in a variety of venues, in a variety of cities. this week i saw DMB for the second time at jones beach in new york. the band put on another great show. dave rarely disappoints. the great thing about seeing a band like dave's is that they will usually do a great cover. the last few times i got the talking heads cover "burning down the house" which is amazing to say the least. i was waiting patiently for the cover when all of a sudden this jem started up. RB and i went nuts! we couldn't believe it. although dave didn't do any rapping, just the fact that the band played beastie boys, "brass monkey" was awesome.

the other part of this night is this. i took along family friends' 18 and 16 year old daughters. they are "huge" DMB fans and had never been to a DMB concert or a true concert for that matter. i was super excited. dave and the band played a very eclectic set and the girls, god love them, didn't know a lot of the songs, which meant to me that although they are fans, they must really only listen to a certain repertoire of songs. when brass monkey came on and RB and i went berserk for the change up in dave's setlist, i turned to the girls and began commenting on how lucky they were to be seeing a change in the setlist and also beastie boys cover, "brass monkey". the girls looked back and me and smiled, nodded and began bopping to the music. it was at that point they weren't true music fans because i turned back and said "you have no clue what song this is do you?", they replied, "sorry, no." i then asked, "do you even know who the beastie boys are?" the answer, no again.

seriously, this ISN'T an age thing. when i was their age i knew such a wide range of music and songs. this is simply a lack of musical variety. these girls are wonderful girls, sweet, good girls, but they are white bread, plain, simple and boring. there isn't anything wrong with white bread, i love white bread for bologna sandwiches, but it's plain, and simple. seriously girls, who are the beastie boys? really? the other thing they asked... "what is going to happen tonight?" what does that even mean? i didn't know how to answer at first. then i realized, they had never been to a real concert so i had to explain how there would be drinking, and singing and dancing, and wait basically...sex, drugs and rock & roll... it was weird. i was so different at their age. needless to say i had a great time as always,  and they enjoyed themselves despite their lack of musical knowledge. all in all it was a good night for everyone. maybe i inspired them to think outside their musical box into the deep abyss.

dead bunnies:

"rabbit, rabbit"

so, rabbit, rabbit is said on the first of every month for good fortune, and luck for the month. well, about 3 years ago i put up as my devil-facebook status, "rabbit, rabbit". well if only i knew what was about it ensue. my aunt and my cousin (who is my aunt's first cousin) began responding as follows, now please bare with me, it's the best i can do from memory...

Rapunzel: "rabbit, rabbit"
A-Mia: "Did it Die?"
Fran: "Yeah, did it?"
Rapunzel: "did what die? the rabbit?"
A-Mia: "Yeah, the rabbit. Did it die?"
Rapunzel: "I Don't know? do you want it too?"
Fran: "Yes!"
Rapunzel: "Why would it die?"
A-Mia: "If it dies than you're pregnant."
Rapunzel: "NO! It's still very much alive. What the hell are you talking about? why are rabbits dying, and that meaning your pregant??!?"

A-Mia: "A long time ago, they used to test to see if you were pregnant by injecting your blood into a rabbit and if it died, it meant that you were pregnant."

Fran: "So it didn't die?"

Rapunzel: "Nope, all rabbits, still very much alive here."
Fran: "Oh."

from then on it became, rabbit, rabbit, did it die? I'm curious to see if and when i ever do happen to become pregnant how clever i can be with this whole rabbit dying thing. so odd people were in the 60's with their random dead bunnies.

first for june...

here it is fucking june, and i'm sure all of you loyal readers have been missing me! ha. i can only imagine. well, let me tell you something, there is almost nothing to fucking report and i mean nothing. we have gone nowhere. we have looked at a few new house online, but have yet to actually set up appointments to visit them in person and that's mostly because it's summer time and i just want to do nothing in the summer but lay on the beach and work out. i have to say that RB's and i communication skills have improved 10-fold. (thank god) and we finally feel like we are getting somewhere with one another as a married couple. which is always good news.

i tell my unmarried friends all the time, don't be in such a fucking rush to get married. sure, there are some great perks to being married, but sometimes being married really sucks, and it's like having a whole-other job. it's not easy, it's not always fun and it's certainly not always the best time of your life. of course the same can hold true for being single, i suppose.

another friend and i often talk about how our married friends told us these tremendous lies when we were getting married years ago. we refer to them as the "rainbow and unicorn" lies. sure, my wedding was great, and fun, but the first 2 years of my marriage was really, really rough. some of my dearest friends might say that i had an abnormally rough 2 years, but nevertheless, i didn't help in making it better, and neither did some other people by feeling bad for me. all i'm saying is that being married isn't "rainbows and unicorns". don't rush something that isn't real, isn't there and/or isn't going to work out because you think it should. luckily enough, after 3+ years, RB and I figured our shit out, and this just might work... gotta tell you, in my heart of hearts, i always knew it would. he is my best friend after all and i always had faith.

"i vow to love you and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."