thankful thanksgiving

yes, i am thankful for everything i have every day. i mean my alarm in the morning rings & says, "it's a beautiful day and it's great to be alive"; the saying was a camp must have from when i went to camp for a total of 3 weeks over 2 summers. every morning it was mandatory to say it after being woken up by the counselor, otherwise you were told to do at least 50 push-ups, so you bet your sweet ass i said it at 5:45 am.

i hate thanksgiving. the holiday that is. it's dumb. wasteful and seems like a lazy holiday. oh sure, my uncles and cousin-in-law like it; what do they do all day but eat and watch football- well except for *bill, my cousins husband, he helps, but still. this year was particularly aggravating.

every year RB and i split thanksgiving. we go to his aunt's house for a few hours before heading to dinner at my aunt's house. why don't we switch each year--- RB doesn't want to. (not-so-secretly, i'm happy to oblige). the split isn't really an issue and works fine, why we can't just have dinner with our respective families at some point before the holiday is beyond me, but it is what it is. i don't like turkey so i could give a shit about that fucking turkey. i can't stress this enough. "WHAT!? You don't like turkey?!" no, i don't. i don't like gravy, or cranberry sauce either. i am always so grateful that my aunt makes eggplant rollatini and so many vegetables you'd think looking at my plate i were vegetarian, so needless to say having me eat other than my aunts would leave me to starve because on top of all that i am pretty particular on how my vegetables are cooked and presented to me. (this food preference is a whole other blog we can address later).

aside from the food, the traveling to 2 different houses, and the lack of the male assistance, thanksgiving would be fine except in the case of this year. for the first time in my 31 years of life, i spent thanksgiving without my mom and dad. i know, how did I survive?! mom was really sick, which wouldn't be the first time one of us was sick for a holiday, but she was so sick that my dad was afraid to leave her alone in the house and come out for dinner. i had to bring food to my parent's house for my dad to eat as well as pick up an apple pie my mom made the night before for dessert. that was fun.

my dad texts me and says: don't ring the bell. bring your key.

easy-peezy-lemon-squeezy. except for when he bolts the door closed and your key is useless and have to knock on a wrought iron door making the knock reverberate throughout the entire house. dad opens the door seemingly angry for my knocking to which i reply- if you left the door unbolted this wouldn't have happened. dad then shushes me as if i were yelling at a baseball game, and then plops himself in front on the tv, assuming his original position. i must repeat he shushed me, then proceeded to put the tv back on blast! oh dad, you're cute.

i started to make an attempt at going up to my moms bedroom before my dad sent the "you do and your dead" stare while my failed attempt to book it upstairs began at back of my head, that it burned the image into the back of my eyeballs. i refrained thinking dad doesn't got this "taking care of mom" thing covered. little did i remember from my years of living home, or even living with my dad, is this. my dad is great at pretending he's taking care of you. you see, he leaves you alone. you could be dying, choking on your own saliva, lying in your own feces, smashed your head on the toilet after passing out from throwing up so much, he wouldn't have a clue. he puts the tv and assumes you're just resting. he's sweet and means well, but he also can't hear you while he's down stairs, so if you are calling for him for something, there's no way he hears you and since he doesn't want to "disturb you" he won't walk upstairs to check. my poor mom. i finish my errand and head back to my aunt's house.

my grandparents were leaving because it was 6 pm, almost bedtime, and dark. i told her repeatedly, "grandma, when you call to check on mommy, DO NOT CALL THE HOUSE PHONE!" okay, okay, she tells me and even repeats my request. this was important because the relationship my dad has with his mother is an interesting one, and he would totally rip her a new asshole had she disturbed his poor, sick wife, more so than he would have ripped me. sure as shit, the little nana of mine calls the house. man-o-man, her saving grace was she told my dad that she was sorry, she was such a shithead and that i told her NOT to call and she did anyway.

all in all, mom's fine. grandma is annoying and old, dinner was delicious as usual, and we were exhausted. no one waited till my aunt, cousin and i sat down before they started eating in gluttonous fashion, and no one said grace. that's what got me the most. we literally as a family say grace a few times a year, and now you all can't even wait for us to be in the room and say thanks on thanksgiving? stupid thanksgiving.

i think i get so annoyed because it's a holiday that just happens, and no one is truly grateful for anything. they all wonder when they are going to get their next thing or complete the next year. it's all so hurried and rushed.

i know i could have written something short and sweet, and slightly more entertaining about thanksgiving, but that wouldn't be my style.