enjoy the silence

something happens to teachers when they get tired, or it hits the end of the day or it hits some point of the day. or maybe it's just me. it's probably just me. i start to get a little kookie in the day; by kookie i mean, i dance, and sing and do kart-wheels down the hall. now, i know this is in no way the ideal behavior for a teacher to participate in but like i said, sometimes it just hits that point of the day, or week that you just crack and it's either going to be a kart-wheel down the hall or a kid shoved down a flight of stairs.

don't get me wrong, i like my job. i don't love it. i like it. i like those little moments when a kid does something well, or something clicks, and they learn, i like it even better when they change their attitude or way of thinking or acting. i'm more a teacher of the human being than the teacher of the academia. yeah sure, reading, writing and math and all that is important and of course i want them to succeed but if they grow up to be waste product douche bags, who gives a shit if they can read and write. so, i do a kart-wheel when my day isn't going so right.

today, today wasn't a good day. today i am tired, and cranky, and one of my favorite people in the world would say, "how is that different from any other day?" well my dear friend, like i usually tell him, i'm not always cranky, tired usually, cranky no. no kart-wheels today. i tried to sing but it didn't work. i tried to dance, but it didn't work. i tried to not pay any mind to the idiotic behavior of my colleagues who were irritating the ever-loving shit out of me. i made a valiant attempt at listening to the soundtrack to my life that plays in my head. it was no use. it was not sunny for me today. (if you are wondering if i shoved a kid down the stairs today, i didn't. although, if i told you what actually happened to me today you might have wondered why i didn't).

the best part of my day today was coming home... to an empty house. RB is out. i finished decorating the christmas tree, made dinner for myself and enjoyed an independent movie that otherwise i wouldn't be able to watch because RB finds them usually boring. i have barely said a word. i have been listening to music or the soundtrack to my life that plays in my head. i'm very tired but i'm not ready to go to bed just yet because i am too busy enjoying the silence and the time i'm having with myself.

while i was decorating the tree i noticed myself thinking things that my mom used to say out loud like, "i'm not putting all these ornaments up, then i gotta put them all away", or, "oh crap, how am i going to remember where this came from", "this looks good", "i'm done", "pretty soon this whole thing is going in the garbage", all of these thoughts made me laugh, some out loud. i mention this because if RB were home, and if i had a good day i may not have had my moment with my mom today; she wasn't even here.

in a nutshell, this long winded piece is saying; had i had a good day, i may not have had my moment, i may not have enjoyed my evening as much as i did, i may not have treasured the silence for what it was.

now i can sleep...