Down to One Simple Thing.

I am not looking for sympathy, or a pat on the back, or empathy, or anything along those lines, I'm not even looking for a solution, because there is no solution. I just need this venue to complain, to vent, to scream silently.

Since my last "motivational" post I have gained 5 additional pounds. I have worked out every day and gained 5 pounds. I have cooked pretty much every meal, which in general, is well balanced, nutritious, and as healthy as I can get without eating like a damn bird. I eat because I get hungry, and I eat because when I don't eat, I get a headache; but now, I have gained a total of 12 pounds since September. I have two friends that are 13 weeks pregnant and haven't gained that much weight.

I say since September because when I returned from Hawaii, I naturally put on a couple of vacation pounds, then it became another pound. The few pounds that I had added weren't something I wasn't used to, I mean, lets face facts doesn't every one's weight fluctuated a good 2 pounds here and there? I wasn't worried, when I hit 6 pounds I became a little flustered, but again, they were quickly lost. Finally January hit, and it was a whopping 7 pounds I couldn't get rid of if you paid me. I chalked it up to the Holiday's, not really consistently working out, and pretty much eating whatever I wanted; i.e. grilled cheeses sandwiches for breakfast and lunch. 29 days into the new year, and conservatively, 20 of the 29 days (about 70% of the time) I have gone for a run, lifted, danced (Just Dance Wii Edition 2014), been insane (Insanity Program), Pilates, stretched, or Yoga'd my afternoons away. I have shopped for good healthy food and snacks and other than the nightly (single) Cookie with 1/2 glass of milk, I've pretty much been on my best eating behavior, I've also been cheese free!

I understand "get your thyroid checked", eat less, sleep more, take your vitamins, muscle weighs more than fat; I've been an athletic, active individual since I was 10, I know the deal. There is nothing wrong with my thyroid, I can say that with certainty, It gets checked every 6 months because of family history, it's always normal, I take vitamins everyday, I eat a shit-ton of green leafy vegetables, I barely have dairy, I don't eat a ton of red meat (due to stomach issues), bread is my only vise, and even then, I try to get high fiber, etc. As for fruits, I throw in a banana or an apple here and there, and magically another pound or two appear.

I'm tired kids, really, I am tired. I've been getting an average of 8.5 hours of sleep a night, so it's not a lack of sleep that is the culprit.

I'm down to one simple thing, I need to eat like a bird, or get another violent virus to kick start a weight loss. I can't seem to imagine right now what I could possibly eat less of, I'm actually getting a headache just thinking about it.

I mentioned to someone that I have gained 12 pounds earlier today and they responded with, "You look like you have lost more weight! Maybe there is a problem with your scale?" Maybe there is a problem with my scale, and my mom's scale, and all those trolls sneaking into my drawers at night to sew my clothes smaller. I couldn't care less if anyone notices that I have packed put on some pounds, I feel like garbage and feel completely uncomfortable. My biggest complaint in all of this is when this happens how am I supposed to stay motivated? how does anyone stay motivated?  How am I supposed to stay motivated in any way, shape, or form for anything?