"Whoa, We're Halfway Thereee..."

Despite the unseasonably cold temperatures and odd precipitation, I have managed at the very least 3 runs a week. Yay me! I refuse to run less than 3.1 miles regardless of how long it takes me. Every step of the way I remind myself that I am __ weeks pregnant, and I'm still going! I have made more of an effort to lift and practice my prenatal pilates, because it's my alone time, my "me" time, and it doesn't cost me a thing.

Although, being pregnant and trying to workout has been some work, it's work that I am willing to put in because I would rather have to work now, rather than becoming 40 lbs overweight, and have to start virtually from scratch when it comes to loosing the weight and working out. It was a long, hard road to get to the point that I was prior to becoming pregnant, and am at now. Granted, I definitely indulge in a day here and there of skipping a workout, eating some cheese, and/or cake- I mean, it is only fair, isn't it? ;-)

(Thanksgiving was, well, fine. It was only slightly annoyed, and minimally accosted by family. So, it was bearable even without alcohol).

20 weeks 2 days

 Here it is the meat and potatoes of it all. We are half-way there! Holy cow, how time flies. My belly is small, and I still feel pretty good. A lot of pressure in my pelvic/hip area, which is completely normal. I like to describe to other women who have inquired what it feels like as a sack of sand laying within your pelvic floor. Shirts are more snug that I would like them to be, as are some pants. I am still completely in regular non-maternity clothing, but I am fortunate enough to have a best friend who has a wide range of maternity wear that she has lent me when the time comes that Iggy "POPS". The nurses in the doctors office are betting that I will pop by 24 weeks, (December 26th).

I still have no food cravings, nor do I have any aversions, although due to my gastrointestinal history and distresses, there are certain foods that do not digest well, and cause a great discomfort, red meat, potatoes of any kind, and most dairy products. Lentils, peanut butter and jelly, spinach, red peppers, onions, mushrooms and BREAD, BREAD, BREAD seem to sit the best. Although, I hate to admit it out loud, but considering I plan on either printing or transferring most, if not all this information to some kind of pregnancy/baby book, I have gained about 6.5 pounds. I feel every ounce of those 6.5 pounds.

20 weeks 1 day

At 20 weeks 1 day exactly, RB and I went for my anatomy scan. It happened the day after Thanksgiving, giving us more things to be grateful for. Iggy looks great. Iggy was making it rather difficult to be seen, and measured, but nevertheless the tech did the best she could with a shy, yet stubborn little Iggster. She asked if wanted to know gender, to which RB said, "I do, she doesn't." The tech obliged our request to keep it to herself, writing the gender on a sonogram picture and putting it in a sealed envelope. The doctor at the hospital that we go for the tests, said that I needed to come back in two weeks to have Iggy remeasured, as Iggy is measuring a a week to two weeks smaller than it should be. I am not worried, RB of course was white. I informed him it's okay for the fetus to be a smaller now, it means that there is less of the chance of gestational diabetes. As for the envelope, it is in our home. I have not looked because I still do not want to know and most of the time, I even forget that I can know whenever I want to know. RB however, does know. We weren't going to tell anyone that he knows, but who cares. RB won't tell anyone, and he loves being the only one who does know. (Don't bother, he won't tell you!) Iggy has got a big head, apparently, all fetus' have big heads; more room for its glorious brain. When I sent this sonogram picture to my cousin, who has been amazing these last few months, she said Iggy looked so happy in this picture, a happy, healthy baby. Almost like it were laughing. 

This weeks milestones, LOTS of activity. Iggy likes to dance, and moves more with music, and when I am sitting with my knees up. Iggy is "quite" after a run, or any workout, a often will stop moving the second RB wants to get a feel, (poor guy). Last night as we were laying in bed, we saw my belly wave, and move because of Iggy's powerful little kicks, turns, and twists. My favorite part of being pregnant, the moving. I love the science behind feeling this kid move around, kick, and listening to it's heart beat the most. Seeing it on the screen is cool too, but certainly not my number one in the awesome department. I don't feel like a mother, or this intense connection to Iggy. Most of the time I feel like a hippo, but then I feel that awesome little kick, and nudge, reminding of it's existence and I feel like a happy, hippo. 

Whoa, we're halfway thereeee.... now to get through the holidays :) 

Iggy Update Week 17+

17 weeks 2 days

Iggy and I are GREAT. That's the go-to answer, "Great." Not for nothing, I've always been a relatively tired person, so being slightly more tired now isn't that much of a change. I've suffered chronic headaches for decades, so my Saturday morning headaches, also not that difficult to deal with. Therefore, why not say "Great", I'm fortunate in that I don't feel that much different. Some people seem disappointed by that answer. "You're not sick? You're not super hungry? You're not fat?!" A friend of mine and I were discussing the other day, how kind, yet annoying it is to be asked, "How 'ya feeling?" every. single. day. The increased interest in my well being is bittersweet. I find it kind that people ask, annoying because it's all the time by everyone, but hurtful because it took me becoming pregnant for you to care about my well being.

June said, it gets worse, eventually you'll show up somewhere and you won't even get so much as a "hello", before they are looking for the baby, ("Jerry, you gotta see the baby"; I stand firmly behind the concept that everyday can be equated to a Seinfeld episode.).

I had a colleague at work actually accost me and rub my almost non-existing belly without even saying hello, my response, "there is no genie that's gonna pop outta that lamp so you can stop rubbin'!" Another colleague came to me disappointed upon seeing me come back from (an amazing) run, that there was no belly to rub. What can I say, <sigh> sorry. 

I ran 3 times last week, all 3+ mile runs, all 40 minutes or less, (still slow) but still felt much better, and was able to keep my heart rate down. Being able to run still, as slow as it might be, makes me feel really good about being pregnant. Although, some days it's terribly hard to be motivated about working out, I'm always glad I did and feel exponentially better because of it.  I lifted 3 times last week- feeling strong, and did my first prenatal pilates workout, which also felt pretty good.

Speaking of lifting and kind but annoying colleagues, some people at work have decided that I am this precious, brittle, invalid. That's actually worse than the constant questions. I work with this girl who was pregnant last year who literally held, and rubbed herself all the time doing the, "oh, I'm pregnant, I can't lift that, eat that, do that, etc." So, the rest of the staff just seem accustomed to that type of pregnant lady, which I am not. I'm the furthest thing from that kind of pregnant lady. JD was shocked when she saw them act that way with me on Friday, and didn't understand it. I told her it was really stupid, especially since they all watch me go out for a run at least 3 days a week at lunch, so why wouldn't I be able to carry a small box to my car, or do my bulletin boards.

All test results are in, and I'm within the normal range for Iggy having any chromosomal defects, which is nice to know. It means that the chances are not higher than they should be for me. To be completely truthful, I really haven't thought much about it all mostly because I forget that I am pregnant. I keep waiting to feel something that might jump start my ability to bond with Iggy in utero, but nothing just yet. I try to explain to RB that I honestly don't feel that different. Sure I want a Genoa Salami sandwich and I know I can't, but there's nothing. I think about Jan and June and how they would talk about their kids while they were pregnant, and I probably should have asked or paid closer attention to how they really felt on a day to day basis, like, did they realize/feel pregnant? When did it "hit" them? I listen to Iggy's heart beat, thanks to Junes' pocket Doppler she lent us, but it doesn't register completely. I even felt Iggy "swim" around yesterday, and although it was freakishly weird, still, nothing.

RB wholeheartedly wants to find out the gender and I am torn when it comes to finding out gender because part of me wants to be surprised, (it's only a 50/50 chance of anything anyway), the other part feels like maybe if I know the gender it'll be real. Even still, if I do find out, I have every intention of not telling a soul. So far, during this pregnancy, I'm so much more laid back and RB is riddled with anxiety, the role reversal is odd. I take everything in stride and he's freaking out (quietly) about how he wants it to be April already, and what car seat will work for us. I have such strong faith that everything will be fine and that I am doing all that is in my power to keep it that way, that if we have to wait till Iggy is here to buy everything (but a car seat) so be it.

My sweet and loving husband offered to get a second job so that I can stay home for a year or two with Iggy and not work full time. My answer; I barely see you as it is, and it isn't as though my job doesn't lend itself to be an easier schedule for child rearing than most other full time jobs. I mean seriously, I'm a teacher, as hard as I work between the hours of 7:30am to 3:30pm I work till 3:30, I don't bring work home and have vacations built in throughout the year. Thanks my darling RB but no thanks, I'd rather work and see you, than be home and never see you. I kinda like you RB, and want you around.

Lastly, I want to just show off my Halloween brilliance this year. For around $10, I was able to pull off (in my mind) a superbly attractive Bob Ross. That's right, I painted happy little trees, and turned all mistakes into birds all day long. And no, no kid knew who I was, so we watched an episode on PBS.com so they could see. A lot of adults thought it was a great costume. What do you think?

I'm already thinking about how I can trump this costume for next year. It's sure to be Great.

I'm still waiting...

My first and foremost advice when you get pregnant or your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, take everything that is said to you with a a grain of salt. For instance, I am still waiting for the energy I was promised would return during my second trimester. I've always been a tired person in general, but I thought maybe at some point I would get a little extra "umph". The other night I was in bed by 8:15 and asleep by 9. It doesn't help that in between going to the bathroom 5+ times a night, I'm still having ridiculous dreams.

Working out has been so hard, the motivation isn't there because I can't get faster, and I don't feel stronger or feel effective while working out, and I find myself eating for the sake of eating. Today, I over ate, and I look 9 months pregnant! (Okay, maybe I don't look that pregnant, but I feel that pregnant). I also noticed along with the widening of my lower half, (which I worry constantly about because I am already a wide based woman, if I get any wider I'll have to enter doorways sideways), I have an inner tub effect happening. I'm hoping that I can attribute the inner tub effect to my over eating today. 

My emotional up's and down's have been few and far between (thank goodness!), however, today I found myself leaving the house and loathing the existence of every human on the road and at work. I'm happiest home with RB, where no one can disturb me. When RB came home tonight I actually cried telling him how I called everyone in my general vicinity an asshole; I was so upset by the fact that I was so angry, I cried. RB told me it was all because I had a little piece of him in me, and since RB hates everyone, having that little piece of him in turn makes me hate everyone. Not good. Not goo at all. 

On a happy note, Jenski, that wonderful running partner of mine, my motivator and little miss go getter is doing her first half-marathon this weekend, and yet again, I couldn't be prouder of her. She has trained long and hard for this race, and I wish I was there to cheer her on! I know she'll be great! I'll be with you in spirit Jenski, maybe by the end of this week I will have run 13.1 miles in total! ha ha ha. xox 

So Proud.

Pride is one interesting emotion. It comes from all sort of situations. I am often full of pride when a student, similar to one this very week, explains to me the reasoning behind his strategy and it is exactly what I had been trying to explain to the entire class for 6 weeks. I'm proud when I hear of a family member doing something out of the norm, and maybe pushing themselves to the limit; although sometimes my pride for them is quickly dashed away by their parent who, in m opinion boasts in such a manner that my pride turns to resentment and a "who cares" attitude towards the achievement.

this weekend though, today in fact I have felt another form of pride. Similar to watching my aging dad complete triathlon after triathlon, or my mom working out and working harder and harder to achieve goals, 2 of the greatest people I know completed, for the very first time, a half marathon. I'm not impressed, because I feel like that would mean that at some point during their training I doubted them. I'm inspired, and proud and a little jealous that I couldn't be there to see it, and/or attempt it with them. They competed together, this husband and wife duo, and finished, without aid, and in times that any person should be proud of themselves for. I can almost guarantee that I am more proud of them, then they are of themselves, and that's okay. I'm hoping that by completing this race, they would have inspired themselves to do others, continue their training, and become better, faster, and stronger together.

I'm super duper, over the moon, beaming with pride for my friends. And, I hope that I can keep some form of training schedule going throughout this pregnancy so that maybe this time next year, I can be apart of the competition and make them proud to know they inspired me.

we shall call you Iggy...

(I'm sorry this is such a long post, I wasn't quite sure how exactly to break it apart). 

I don't plan on having my blog suddenly turn into mommy/baby central, (not that there's anything wrong with it), but I feel like since this is going to be a huge part of my fold, it's only right that I should address it here. I guess that kind of thrusts you all into the subject matter of this post.

Prior to Weeks 1-4

I had two false moments throughout the year where I thought I was pregnant and it was HORRIBLE. As a person who is never late; to be days late, with a negative pregnancy test, disappointed wasn't even the word. Granted, I know things could be worse, and more women have been through worse, I was still doubting my ability to become pregnant, which I want to say that I was okay with that, but I didn't want to wait years to find out I couldn't conceive. I had made the decision that since RB was of little to no help when it came to quelling my anxiety, I chose to tell my mom about everything that was happening. My mom and I never really talk about super adult stuff, mostly because mom never likes to pry or question, and I never want to stress her, especially since she worries regardless of what I tell her. Telling my mom was the best move, I should just tell mom everything from the jump, she was super helpful, and could relate to me and my anxiety because apparently, it's "genetic".

Weeks 1-4
After a year of trying, I had made the decision that if I weren't pregnant this time around (august) I was officially letting go till March- mostly because if I got pregnant between September-February it would totally ruin Hawaii for Summer 2015- I know totally unbelievable, priorities people! Also, I was tired of every month becoming a guessing game. The week that I was supposed to get "my friend" I was looking for the regular signs, I won't get into them, but, they weren't there. Although, I was feeling abnormally tired, and run down, I was falling asleep early, and waking up middle of the night to pee, for what felt like, a thousand times, it didn't occur to me that I might have been pregnant.

Come the Thursday before I was supposed to get "it" I decided to take a crappy home pregnancy test. There was a faint line, which I ignored, and just waited. I started to feel a little cramp-y (but not like a usual kind of cramp-y), so mid-morning Friday, my actual date of arrival for my "friend", I took a real store bought home test. The word Pregnant popped up on the stick, and I walked away in shock. My heart-rate rose, and I began fumbling around to figure out what I was supposed to do. I immediately decided not to tell June and Jan, because I was going to see them in a week, and wanted to tell them face-to-face. I took another crappy home test, another faint line appeared and I took it as a "yes".

I got dressed, barely ate, and went to my moms house, but, not before stopping for another box of tests. I got to my moms and sat on her lap, and said, "I had to make a dr's appointment today because I got 3 positive pregnancy tests between yesterday and today!" My mom's mouth dropped, she began to tear up, smile, laugh, and said, "you must be so happy! I'm so happy! Yay!! Yippie!" Her face lit up, she was shocked, excited and nervous all at the same time. She told me I'd always be her baby, and that her baby was having a baby.



The day was a blur, all we kept thinking about was how to tell my dad and RB. I tried to grab a NY Ranger onesie, to no avail, and instead I just went for the handing over of the "pee sticks". RB barely said a word to me for the remainder of the day, he was in shock and thrilled, scared and nervous. His first thought was that he was kinda sad because he wanted to immediately tell his dad, and he was "jealous" that I got to deal with the news with my mom all day, but he was also happy for me too.

At dinner I asked dad if he preferred, "Pappy or grandpa?" He asked "why?", I said, "you have until April to decide." Dad said, "I prefer Opa", (German for Grandpa), with tears in his eyes, and grin on his face. Mom was smiling again and looking giddy. Dad hugged RB first and then me. (That bothered me in a silly/funny way).

The whole night went from not talking about it, to talking about it and then back to not talking about it.

RB requested that I take a test every day because he loved looking at it. I obliged him of course and I was also kinda happy to see the same result everyday myself. (11 positive at-home tests later, I was thoroughly convinced my body wasn't tricking me).

My mom's brother is like my 3rd parent, so it seemed only natural that during his birthday dinner we tell him. He almost cried, and was excited. Again, we didn't really talk about it, but it would randomly come up again. When we dropped him off after cake, he said, "thank you for sharing such important news with me so early, I really feel honored and appreciate it."

Weeks 5-8
Week 5 began with a trip to Vacationland for a quiet vacation, and visits with Jan, June, Mary and Karen (and then some). I was debating over and over how to tell Jan and June. I know 5 weeks is super early to tell as many people as we did, however, my argument was, if god forbid, anything did happen, who would we talk to about it with? Those were the people we told early. When I had told Jan, and June, Jan had known me so long, and so well, that it was no surprise and apparently "called it" a few days prior. I guess that's what happens when you have such wonderful, and intuitive friends. They were excited and immediately ran to hug RB, their respective husbands hugged us frequently, saying their congratulations and expressing their own excitement. Jan's husband and I have known each other for a long time, and the extra amount of love and sweetness shown to me, did not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Although I do not regret telling my friends and the few family members we had told, I was starting to feel worried that I said to much, that god-forbid-something awful was going to happen. To top that off, I was sad in that it wasn't a secret anymore; a quiet little being, working hard at existing, and it wasn't shared strictly between RB and myself. (I suppose I can chalk that range of odd emotions up to hormones?) I mean, it isn't as though I could un-tell anyone, or that I would have been able to get away with an entire week in Maine not saying anything, AND not drinking a beer here and there.

By week 5, my biggest complaint(s) were being tired, kinda sore and working out had become a chore. I refused to let my hard work of exercise go down the tubes all because of a little zygote. Running was and still is, an arduous task, and lifting needed to be done in a much more careful manner. I woke up feeling tired, and tight everyday and couldn't seem to sleep well. At the beginning of week 6, you could add the occasional heart burn and nausea, and lack of appetite.

Mid-week 6, I (we) had my (our) first prenatal appointment. I had blood drawn, urine checked (it's official, I am pregnant) blood pressure and weight recorded. Not one person said "congratulations", and my Dr officially freaked out RB by giving him the statistics of a miscarriage. It was weird. I don't know what I had expected. I had to make my second appointment, which will happen in 2 weeks, mid-week 8, it includes a huge blood work up, sonogram, weight and blood pressure check.

As much as I don't want to go back to work, I think it's going to be good to go back because of the schedule, I'll keep busy and being to get out everyday for a "run".

Week 7 began with a prescription for progesterone, as my levels were lower than the doctor had hoped. Week 7 also had the added fun of telling my aunt, uncle and cousins. My youngest cousin was excited as expected. She's always been genuinely good hearted and well meaning, she doesn't always say the best things, but she means no harm. My wonderfully sweet uncle, also never meaning to say anything hurtful,  and I think I have to thank hormones for my bruised ego when he told me I was sure to balloon up. Both my aunt and my youngest cousin thought for sure we were playing a joke, which just solidifies the skepticism of this entire family. My older cousin in her truest of form responded happily but also with silly statements that weren't at all surprising; "you're life is over... it's about time..."

I am tired all. the. time.

Week 8 was GREAT! I had my first sonogram, internal, (which is weird), and I saw the peanut, and it's rapid heartbeat! It's there. It's real. and I have a heart that isn't my own beating inside of me. so. real. now. so. weird.

I went for a run for the first time in over 2 weeks and it was terrible. When I got back to work, a friend of mine, who I had told already, made me feel better about my crappy run when she said, "as long as your moving, who cares how it feels." I was able to get another crappy run, but I had been busy at work, and after work so much that I didn't get much more working out in. I managed some housework at the beginning of week 9, and I might have done too much BUT I like to take advantage of the days that I feel great.


Weeks 9-12

Week 9 must-do belly pic

Week 9 began with telling my grandparents, and RB's mom, as well as the rest of his family. We also told good friends, by using their 7 year old son as our little helper- "Mommy, daddy, there's a baby in Auntie J's Belly!" I wish I had it on video. My MIL was thrilled, (as to be expected), my only issue was her comment about how she plans to spoil the kid especially if it's a boy. I know that some of you won't understand why this comment would bother me so, but if you knew some of the things my MIL has said to me, this would bother you too. Sometimes it's almost as though I don't matter, and I'm just a vessel. RB's aunt didn't let me down with a selfish comment about how the SKY's name will live on, and how happy she was that it would! Nice, right? Again, things that have been said to me in previous years dictates why these kinds of things annoy me.

Week 10 had a work party and some unexpected love, and excitement from some good friends from work. The one consistent thing thus far is every time I think a friend or family will react a specific way regarding our news, they pretty much act the opposite. This isn't true for everyone, but I have been surprised more often by the reactions, questioning, and love.

I have been having hankerings; however, I can't pin point whether the hankering is pregnancy related or just my general hankerings for things that I normally have hankerings for. Other than that, I'm just tired, nothing really more. I am super fortunate, and can't complain, really. Although, I did have a hormonal melt down the other night, but in my defense, RB did provoke it. I cried, I yelled and I broke small kitchen items, and felt better. Chalk it all up to hormones.

Week 11- sonogram, that was another (uncomfortable) internal, with a sleeping fetus. Iggy, (the name we chose to call the no-known-gender fetus) had it's back to us, and was sleeping. Like mother like baby, I suppose. After some poking and prodding, Iggy rolled over, gave us some jazz hands, high kicks with it's legs and feet, before it rolled back over and went back to sleep. Thanks Iggy, for showing mommy and daddy that you have 2 hands, feet, arms, and legs. That made mommy and daddy very happy. The entire time watching Iggy dance around, I couldn't help but think of the end of "Spaceballs" when the Alien is birthed from the mans stomach in the diner and singing, "Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal..."

I know that I have said on repeat how fortunate I have felt that I have felt so good. The worse thing for me, up until this point was just being overly tired all. the. time. The newest "ailment" are the nightmares. Oh man, between getting up to pee a 1,000 times a night, and now the nightmares, it's a no wonder I'm tired. I'm hoping that when Iggy is out in the world, Iggy will want to continue it's sleeping. Mommy's a big fan of sleeping Iggy, keep it up.

Here's another addition to the "ailments" feeling legitimately gross, fat, and flabby. Thank you hormones. Yesterday, (11 weeks 4 days), I felt like a huge person. I hated feeling that way. It took me 8 years to loose 40 pounds, and keep it off, and I'm so nervous that I could/would gain it all back and have to work so hard at looking it again, it's giving me horrible anxiety with the awesomeness of hormonal imbalances. I sometimes feel that my ass will grow so wide that I will look abnormal, ridiculous, and like so many women in the world who have a wide set of hips, it will become painfully difficult to buy ANY pair of pants ever again.

Newest hankering- red bell peppers. Delicious, bright, full of fiber, red bell peppers.

Final week of the first trimester- week 12. I told the remainder of friends that I love dearly, and they were so exited. My friend Mary even said to me, "this is going to be such a lucky baby", while Karen is planning next summers Maine trip and kids photo shoot. My parents told the remaining friends that didn't know, and I told the rest of work people that I have some personal relationship with, some cried they were so happy and others were just very congratulatory. One of my AP's reacted in an inappropriate manner, because they aren't the smartest person, and tends to say stupid things. But, it doesn't matter, they just needed to be told.

I had my NT test at 12weeks, and was told everything looks normal. Great to hear! I couldn't have been happier. "Iggy" seems super laid back, just chillin' with its hands behind its head (I know not really), legs bent and totally relaxed.

12w 2d belly pic

I went for a run twice this week and my Tuesday (12w 4d) run was pretty rough, slow, and hard, but still managed, whereas my Thursday run, (12w 6d) was faster, but still a little rough. I feel like I'll never get to that 10 minute a mile mark, even after "Iggy" makes way into the world.

I'm feeling really good, aside from the ever present exhaustion but I've been assured that it's the whole "creating life" thing doing it to me. It doesn't help that my dreams are ridiculous and vivid. The other night I had a dream RB was yelling at me to stop crying and I wasn't even crying. Last Friday night, I had a dream that a good friend of mine at work threw me a party and her entire family was there, as was my own. It was so vivid, as if it were actually happening. She followed me around and wouldn't leave my side she kept telling everyone she was my best friend and she was the host. These two dreams are just two small examples of what keeps me up at night. Moth's and Mice invading my apt, are just two more to add to the list. Oh! and the TMI, vivid sexual dreams--- good lahwd!

Today, I am officially 13 weeks and through my first trimester of my first pregnancy. So far, so good. Knock on wood, this keeps up, and in 27 weeks we have a happy, healthy bouncing baby Iggy.

vacation = lazy

I have take the idea of vacation to a whole new level. I can count on one hand how many workouts I've had, the hours of repeated television are countless, and sleeping 9+ hours was a must. I began vacation with a trip to Maine to see Jan and June as well as some lady friends. It was the exact vacation I needed. Laying around, hanging with my friends and their kids, eating delicious meals, and just soaking up the goodness of doing "nothing". It was magical, my only complaint was that Jan had to return to work and missed out on the whole week with June and I. There's always next year of course, but it was a bittersweet week. Jan is already making plans to come and visit this fall, and I look forward to having a bit of company.

RB and rented a lovely little apartment in Scarborough and it was perfect for us. Great size, great location and the most comfortable bed!

For the first time in 4 years I made it to the beach less than 10 times, and I don't care to much about it. Another first; not dreading returning to work. I miss my structured routine. As much as I love being home with RB and hanging with my mom as much as I did, I'm happy to feel productive again, and have my routine back. I am hoping to have a productive school year, and getting a lot of crap done, while keeping my head down and mostly to myself.

What will get me through the year--- Hawaii next summer! That's for damn sure, we are going. Better get my running body back, otherwise it's going to be a rough year of thinking about that bathing suit.

It really was a great 20 days. Whatever went on went on because that's the way this vacation was suppose to play out. I enjoyed it all, and it's good to do a whole lotta nothing sometimes. I'm recharged and ready to go. Rabbit, Rabbit. Let's hear it for 2014-2015.

I can see for miles...

After not running for a week or so, i'm back in the (painful) swing of things. I have been trying to keep up with my working out because I know how important it is for me, my health and my ability to maintain my ideal weight. It hasn't been easy, and it certainly hasn't been fun. I also can't seem to break the 4-mile mark, which months ago, albeit slow, I could still get past 4-miles. I went for a run last Friday with a friend from work who is considerably faster than I, and she wanted some company. She wasn't feeling well but knew she needed to go out. She promised me an "easy" run, of course for her it was easy, and she was able to speak the entire time, full blow sentences, whilst I struggled to breathe and keep up. It should have been a faster run, but it wasn't as it turns out, mostly because I started out too fast. 

I had to begin breaking in my new sneakers and new orthotics because of the unbearable knee clicking, hip and lower back pain I was suffering from. Such an idiot I am, knowing full well I need to switch out the sneakers and yet continuing to run in the old, worn out crappy sneaks. (You'd think I would learn).

I'm still bummed over the fact that due to pool closures I can't train for a September triathlon. But there is always the 2015 season. 

I've been lifting at least 2 days a week, and squeezing in a 9+ mile ride a week as well. Now, to just get some pilates in there and work on that pelvic floor, to make sure that I have no upchuck reflex when looking at my naked self. That is my goal really, looking good naked. Not to be a specific weight, necessarily, not to wear a specific clothing size really, not even to look good in a bathing suit. For me, it's about liking the naked me. 

On a more clothed note: I'm really proud of two friends. In awe of them really. Jenski, who has been training for months almost "alongside" me for her half marathon in October and Jan, for her re-dedication to the art of running and also training for a half in October. Her husband is supposed to do it with her, I wonder how his training is going? Running for me is a necessary evil, but they are inspiring to me to do more. Maybe I won't train for a half, or a whole marathon, but it makes me think more seriously about longer triathlons. They both inspire me, and I'm super proud of them, even if they aren't proud or impressed with themselves! Good job ladies! Much love and keep going!! 

no news is... just fine.

I have realized that you all must be so distraught over the fact that I haven't posted in 5 weeks! I suppose I should make a decision and post regardless of recent happenings, but then I simply feel like I am forcing it.

I have decided to not do the September Triathlon on the basis that I cannot train for the longer swim. The pool I use is closed for 5 weeks beginning August 4th, which puts a wrench in the training. So, there's that. I am kinda bummed about it, mostly because my working out has really fallen off. I was violently ill for a few days beginning of this month, headache, and everything. So, working out didn't happen for over a week. I started back up again this past week, very slow, and a lot of rest in between, because that illness took a lot out of me. I am not recovering as quickly as I would like. I suppose by the time I get "back" to my old self, I'll screw it up somehow. Que Sera, Sera.

We have decided to stick with a week vacation in the one and only Vactionland, aka, the way life should be. It's much less expensive than most of our other vacations, and we'll get to see friends, new babies, and eat delicious food. We rented our own apartment on the beach, so I am looking forward to our own space. Don't get me wrong, there is something wonderful about staying at Jan's parents house for a week, but we are getting a tad old, and the house is starting to feel smaller with everyone in it. I'm headed to Atlanta for a weekend in September to see an old friend, and RB would like to head to Baltimore the last week of summer to catch an Orioles game--- Jenski do you have room for guests?

As far as vacations go, they may not be extravagant but they will be lovely short trips. We went to a good friends house yesterday, always a good time, and I made sure to say in front of Darla and Mike, I don't want anything for Christmas this coming year, instead I want a trip for Easter and a trip in August. I know it's early to talk about Christmas but you have no clue as to what RB is like...

I am aware this post is slightly a catch all, but it seemed silly to write a few separate posts for something so uneventful as all of the above. There are other things too, but I'm not ready to address them in this open forum, regardless of the fact that I know there are about 4 people who read this online "diary". In the end, this is it. I'm tired, and I'm looking forward to vacationland. 20 days till I'm there, Lobster in hand.

Happy Father's Day

I completed my second (of this year) Triathlon. It was on Father's Day, which seemed only fitting considering what kind of man my dad is. If you are a stranger and have no idea about my dad, I'll give a quick overview. My entire childhood was monopolized by swim meets for me, and Triathlons on weekends for him. Dad (and Mom for that matter) were always active, especially on warm spring, fall and summer days. To put it simply, Dad looks forward to June 21st every year because, "it's the longest day of the year Lynmittsky, from this day on, the days grow shorter, so I have to go for a 100 mile bike ride and enjoy the daylight to the fullest!"

So there you have it, being active is just inherited from these two, being stationary was never an option, which has always been interesting to me knowing that RB grew up in quite the opposite way. (Guess that's why we work).

It was only fitting that I do a triathlon, (500 meter open water swim, followed by a 10.5 mile ending with a 3 mile run), in honor of this man who taught me everything about training and fitness.  I felt pretty good in the freezing cold water, despite the fact that pretty much everybody was wearing a wet suit (wimps!), I probably could have gone faster, but it's the first leg, so I don't want to push it. As far as the bike, I know I could have been quicker. I had a flat in the front, and the weaving in and out of the business park area makes me slow down out of fear of wiping out. Lastly, the run, the dreaded portion of a triathlon for me, this is usually where everyone else excels; not me. This is the leg of the race where being 5th out of the water and having a decent bike leg, means virtually nothing. I get passed, easily. I can't complain however, I did average a little over 11 minute miles, which for me is huge, considering when I just do a run workout, I manage around 12 minute miles.

All in all, I finished 457th out of 600 people, 116th out of 195 women, 4th in my Division (Athena Division is women who weigh over 160 lbs) out of 7. Obviously, there is room for improvement in every way shape or form, but I did survive. I am thinking of doing an Olympic Distance race in September. (9/10th mile swim, 40k bike [25 miles], 10k run [6.2 miles]), Dad has even said, depending on how his elbow feels this summer, he might do it with me. Should be fun watching my 60 year old father beat me in a race. :-) I wouldn't have it any other way.

The latest moments.

After a girl I work with made notice that I wear "whimsical" clothing that are colorful and make her smile, I began to make an effort on Wednesday to dress myself in the most whimsical of ways regardless of weather, and mood. So far, I've had pretty good Wednesday's and the bright colors even helped me to feel a little better.

 I've been feeling pretty good, aside from allergy season kicking my ass, I've been (knock on wood) feeling good with working out. I have not been making myself feel bad if I miss a work out, or over eat. I've made an attempt practically every day for a decent workout, and I'm happy the warmer weather is here because I've been eating a ridiculous amount of fresh fruit! I've managed to loose a few more pounds, and I'm feeling more like myself again. The old pup himself has been keeping my company while I lift, and ride outside at my parents house. I've been swimming at least once a week, and I feel more normal in the pool than I have in months. Running has gotten easier with the extra few pounds gone, although I'm not getting faster while out running, I'm able to go a little further each time I'm out.

I'm lucky enough to have a job where I can go out for 40 minutes at lunch and run in the park up the block. Some days are better than others, but that run really means a lot to my physical, social and emotional self. I'm worried that next school year, I won't be so lucky. Guess I'll just have to wait and see, and make it work for me.















The last thing I wanted to address was this quote that I came across on pinterest. (the best place on the Internet). When I read it originally, it had made me angry. I read it and felt that way because there are just some days were you really need to do the exact opposite of what this quote was preaching. Some days you need to lie in bed, or in front of the t.v. and not move, not get dressed, skip it and let it go. Sometimes you need to give up, because giving up isn't always a bad move. Staying in and skipping out on things sometimes is the right move for how you feel. Granted, when it comes to exercise, there should be an effort on a daily basis, however, there are just those days, even with exercise, that sitting "this one out" is important to your well being. I think that's why a lot of the "motivational" quotes and "make today your bitch" kinda stuff is good to a point, making sure you take care of you, and seeing the beauty in life, and following your feelings, rather than forcing yourself to go because you think that's whats right and what will always work is wrong. This isn't the first, the only and the last quote that makes me angry when I read it. The same holds true for another quote, it something having to do with, people who aren't nice or rude or swear are of lesser intelligence, or lesser empathy than those that aren't rude, kind to EVERYONE and don't swear.- pah-leez. Sometimes, a mother f***er needs to be told they are a mother f***er! Sometimes, people need to not mistake my kindness for friendship, and just because I'm not nice to every person I meet on the street, or who walks into my classroom, or my home, doesn't mean that I am not a genuinely nice person to the people that earn it, need it,  not everyone deserves the same treatment. They all haven't earned my kind heart, my love, or even my respect. So, for those of you who think less of me or don't like me, or judge me, when I swear, skip a party or workout, when I am nasty when you say something about my students or family, thank you, and you can scratch.

not my best moment

I've gone bat shit crazy. I've been doing such a good job, (if I do say so myself) at ignoring the stupid people around me. I have pretty much steered clear of facebook, walked away from conversations that make me feel the word vomit creep its way up through my throat, I've (tried) to keep my mouth shut. running at lunch has really helped me control my inability to ignore, and when I don't get out, I feel it.

today wasn't a particularly rough day. no days in recent years have been particularly rough. here and there, there have been moments in a day that I didn't think I'd make it through, but I managed. I've learned to speak to RB when I get home, and not yell at him for things that have little to nothing to do with him. Today was no different either. I was able to talk to him about my aggravating day.

again, I reiterate, that nothing was particularly hard, rough, or overwhelming, it was probably just the day where everything hit a point, and I simply couldn't take it.

I could easily get into the details, and complain (first world problems), but, I'm choosing not to. I am choosing to say that I'm slightly embarrassed for loosing my mind today, luckily, I lost it in front of people, I feel like are... my friends. (I might have shown signs of "crazy" earlier in the day, but the true rant and crazy didn't rear it's ugly head until I was with friends). It was not my best moment.

I'm thinking I'm tired, I'm stressing (or showing signs of anxiety) about things that, up until recently, I have learned to let go. I might need a break, and the end of June can't come soon enough. I shouldn't rush time, or my life away, but I just want to what I want to do; not for anyone else, not for work, not to make anyone else's life easier/more convenient or appease anyone. I want to go to the beach, stay up late, drink beer outside, workout when I want to, (have my clothes fit).

Take a breath, stand back, and relax.

can i hide?

here i am. i'm tired. i know you must all be tired of hearing me say that, however, it's the truth. if i am not at work running around like a damned fool, i'm literally running around outside. i have done well the last week or so with workouts, but not with eating, i have successfully over eaten at dinner for the last 4 nights- bad move Lynmitsky. All the over eating has done for me is, 1. i feel disgusting full, 2. i feel extra hungry in the morning, 3. i feel overly gross, and feel like any of the workouts i have done has been successfully undone by the huge meal. i really just need to tell myself to STOP EATING.

on a different note, we are officially poor. i used to think that as long as we had some money in savings we'd be ok, well... there isn't much savings left, and i'm nervous, i mean, how will we ever catch up? it's like eating, i eat too much, and i spend to much, but i'm not sure where all the money goes. i try not to think about it, but i am cutting coupons, and looking for sales, and eating (basically) at home.

i have to stop thinking about it. i am driving myself nuts.

maybe i'm eating because we are poor?

maybe i'm a bear, overeating to prepare for hibernation?

(dummy)

the stress of hockey playoffs are also affecting my sleeping and ability to deal with stupidity that exists at work. i usually get to this point every year where i have little to no patience for adults and bratty children alike who use "your mother wasn't saying that last night when... (insert explicit phrase here)".

i'm also slightly nervous that in 16 days i have yet another triathlon that i feel terribly unprepared for. i suppose the next 16 days will just have to be the biggest, crazed, triathlon training lunatic. here's hoping. oh don't forget the baby shower i am planning at work, then the shower i have to go to, my aunts birthday, fathers day, and some other bull i have to do till the regular school year is over and summer school begins!

can i sleep for a week straight.

or just hide?

The last few weeks.

It's been a rough few weeks, lemme tell ya. Between lack of workout motivation, and trying to complete my last two classes, plus all the work I have piled on my desk, and after school responsibilities, it's no wonder that I have been sick, run down, and tired for the last 5 days.

If you didn't know, I was taking online classes for the last 12 months in order to reach top salary with the board of ed. Granted, the classes were not the most intellectually stimulating, they did require plenty of work, and time to complete the tasks and getting a passing grade. I just completed my final project for my last class. I am hoping that the salary increase will provide me with the financial push I need to go back to school and get another degree, or simply enjoy my extra monies and go on better vacations! ;-)

Workouts have been lame, or non existent. It's not good. I was doing so well, then, spring break came and I was so tired, and wanted to rest. Rest I did. When I started to get my ass in gear, I started to feel crappy, and here we are, sitting on the couch blogging about how I haven't really worked out. I am still doing the triathlon in a month, so I am hoping this weekend will be filled with movement.

I went to Maine for a few days and saw some lady friends. It. was. GREAT. The ride wasn't too terrible 4 1/2 hours each way, but I really missed RB and I wished he was with me. We haven't been doing to well financially, we have a lot of bills to pay. I had recently realized we spent A LOT of money last year. Between the purchase of an apartment, total renovations, Hawaii, Alabama, numerous trips to New England and a trip to Vegas for RB, we won't be doing much this summer or year in the name of travel.

About a week ago a mutual friend of ours requested a double date with his new lady. I was looking forward to so adult time, plus apparently, the girlfriend "knew" me. Turns out she had heard my name before but she doesn't know me, that's for sure. I am sure I am nit picking, however, my first impressions of girls are rarely positive ones. She was very pretty, very thin, barely ate, drank a lot, was somewhat self centered and a "one upper"; you know what I mean, you say something and she's done it, only better. the "one upper". She was also, pompous, arrogant and had that weird whistle when she spoke. She'd ask questions and not wait for a complete answer, she was studying to be a teacher, which you'd think she might ask me something, I mean after all, I've only been teaching for 11 years, nope, nothing. All of these things I could live with, honestly, even the 9 year age different between her and our friend, but then she did it. She asked the question, one that I have tried to avoid even with close friends, one that is none of her business; and out of respect I tried my hardest to skate around it without insulting her. She was persistent. "So, you have been married for 5 years, are you going to have kids soon?", "well have you thought about it?", "is it something you guys want?", "I mean, don't you want kids?" "5 years is a long time."... yup, my mouth was full of blood from me biting my tongue and not really telling her that she's a self-centered asshole who I have known for an hour, and asking me such personal questions isn't appropriate being that we aren't remotely close to being "friends".

That was friday.

Other than all that, we've been busy with family stuff, and just keeping it moving. Trying to get through this long and tough year, counting down the days till another day off. Only 90 days till I'm on an extended vacation, but who's counting.

Tri and Tri again

On April 12th, almost 8 years after I did my very first Triathlon, I did my second and I must admit, not my last triathlon. I will also admit, that I was very nervous, I felt as I had felt almost 20 years ago when I swam at my very first Empire State Games/National Championship. I had made the games and National Champs in amazing fashion. I shocked everyone, including myself with my ability to just do it. I know one of my favorite "to do before I die" list items is an Ironman, and this small triathlon is a step in the right direction. (I suppose). I may never achieve that Ironman goal, but I sure won't fail at trying.

The weather was beautiful, perfect and the lengths of each leg were do-able. My goal was to go no slower than 1:05 (Hour Five Minutes). The swim was 400 meters, 6 mile bike and 2 mile run.  I was disappointed in my swim time, but rather impressed with my run time. My first transition, as you can see, wasn't something to be proud of. My mom was yelling at me the entire time to hurry up, which made me annoyed, and slightly distracted while I was trying to change quicker.

I felt really good on the bike, got my heart rate up to over 178 bpm, and kept it up there throughout the race. I had a hard time breathing, and my legs felt tired on the run, which really wasn't a run at all, more like a slow lame trot. either way, I finished. I finished in under an hour! (good lord that was a surprise).

I managed to finish 73rd overall, (out of 250+ people), and 13th out of 30 in my age group. BUT, I suppose the proud moment (mostly for my parents and husband), was finishing 2nd in my division, and getting a snazzy plaque. My parents and RB have seemed to be somewhat irritated with my lack of talking about this "accomplishment" but I can't help but to feel like I could have done better, and if I talk about it, it sounds like I am either patting myself on the back, or "bragging" to a certain extent. I guess I am slightly proud of myself, but it wasn't like I completed a marathon, an Ironman or a half Ironman at the very least.

The next triathlon I've signed up for is June 15th, father's day, and each leg is slightly longer than this past Triathlon. (500 meters open water swim, 10.5 mile bike, and a 3 mile run). I guess, I'll be tri-ing and tri-ing again. Wish me luck.

Bad Words

There is this awesome Museum in Queens that I loved going to as a kid. It's called the Museum of Moving Images. It is a great place to go if you love, television, movies, and history. You can purchase a membership and with that membership comes a variety of perks. One of which, I benefited from without having a membership.

A friend from work has a membership, and she was attending a variety of early screenings of films. Mostly, independent films, but still, first screenings none the less. On a random Tuesday she and her boyfriend couldn't attend the screening of Jason Bateman's "Bad Words", so she offered up the tickets to RB and I. I said "sure, what else am I doing that I can't go see a funny, independent film with the amazing Jason Bateman." She later informed me that usually, the director or someone important from the film does a little Q&A at the end of the film. I was super excited when I found out that this film was Jason Bateman's directorial debut, and he was the star and one of the producers! How fun. 

RB and I attended the show, with all the type of people I loathe in my city. I'm sure many of you "BIG" city people know what I am talking about. There are a certain type of transplant person who move to large cities and act all hoytie-toytie and think that they are real New Yorkers or Bostonians, or LA people. Hate to burst your bubble people, but you're transplants, and most of you are an annoying group of pompous asses. I digress, I know I have made mention of this before but the theater was filled with these people. (Annoying asses). The movie was HILARIOUS. You really ought to see it. It's a dark comedy, with outrageous dialogue and yet a sweet/sour ending. I loved it. I was only somewhat disappointed in the Q&A at the end, but that most certainly was not Jason Bateman's fault, it was the idiot people asking questions like, "I noticed you changed your hair for the film, was that written in?" Really?!? You have the opportunity to ask him pretty much anything and that's what you ask. We asked nothing, although I did want to tell him, I loved him since I was a child and RB wanted to tell him how great he thought he was on "Family Ties". 

Either way, it was a different kind of Tuesday Night in March, and I really recommend that if you have a weird sense of humor, you should enjoy "Bad Words" thoroughly. 

The day Jimmy Fallon Broke my heart.

For years I have watched, laughed at/with, and fell in love with Jimmy Fallon. The ridiculous laughter on SNL was enough for me to love him, but then he became JT's best friend, and kindest man on TV. He has done some amazing things on his show, and has donated time and money to others. It only made me love him more.

Knowing all this, Dad pulled a few strings and got RB and I VIP tickets to the Tonight Show just last month. You could say that I was excited about it, but I really was over the moon. I'm not sure what exactly my heart thought would happen, but alas, I had some expectations of the afternoon. 

RB and I took the day off to be sure we arrived on time, and ready to go. I couldn't wait! We followed directions, I called my dad's friend who got us the tickets, (as I was told to do) in hopes that I would get a tour. (Alas, like most people who work in this business, he didn't have "time" to get back to me, to show me around; just so you are aware, a lot of people I have encountered in the Motion Picture business, through my own time working with them, and dad working with them for 25+ years, they are relatively nice people, who are also "too busy", in general, the people I meet, who aren't construction crew people are, how should I say this, stuck up. Their time is worth more than yours, and they are more important than you.) 

I sat in my not very VIP seat, and awaited the arrival of the Roots Crew,  and Jimmy. The Roots arrived, and then Jimmy arrived to start the show. Not one second of what you see on Television is any different from being in the audience, Jimmy doesn't talk to the crowd during commercial breaks, the Roots don't play for the audience during commercial breaks; as a matter of fact, you are pretty much ignored by everyone (except for the NBC pages who are watching you to make sure you don't take any photographs). Nary a soul gives a crap about you. They actually say to you, "This is free, remember you didn't pay for this, so let's just act right." 

All of the above stung a bit, it hurt my feelings that Jimmy and the Roots didn't give the small audience the time of day any more than what we see on TV.  What really was the nail in the coffin was when Jimmy runs through the crowd at the end of the show and RB moved me to the aisle so that I can get a high five from Jimmy. This was it, all I needed to wash all the other disappointment away. Jimmy came around and a lady gave him a gift bag, he was trying to get the camera to zoom in on it, which was right next to me, so I began pointing at the bag as though to advertise it's greatness, and Jimmy Fallon gave me the DIRTIEST look, like what I was doing! I didn't touch him, the bag, or yell in his face. There really was no reason for the look. He even passed me by when it came my turn for a high five. 

My heart immediately broke, and I was hurt. I understand that this was ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, but if you know anything about me, this all makes sense, and you'd be proud that I didn't cry an scream for Jimmy to love me as I loved him. 

I haven't been able to watch the Tonight Show since then, because it stung a bit, and the whole thing seemed fake. I know what it was like in that audience, and how not-so-special you are compared to the viewers at home. He also repeats himself, and that makes it less special. All in all, I'm glad I went, I just hope my broken heart will heal. 

3rd post's a charm.

I had written 2 posts prior to writing this one, but decided that this particular post was going to be published. The first post was mostly about how unmotivated I was, so unmotivated that I changed into my running clothes, and ended up going food shopping in them. The next attempted post was about how I still hadn't lost any weight, and wasn't having any good workouts, and feeling like total garbage.

I have registered for 2 Triathlons so far, one on April and one in June. I'm looking at one for September, but I'm a little hesitant because of the distance from my home, and the distances within the race. One of my favorite people has also "talked" me into doing a a half marathon in October with her and her husband; I knew I wouldn't be ready for a half-marathon in May, but I think I can survive one in October. I even (easily) convinced a friend of mine from college to run it too, she just did her first half earlier this month, so she seemed down. I guess I just need a reason to work out, it can't be for losing weight, because that's a dead end street.

I started swimming and riding last weekend, and my ass still hurts from my bike seat. Today's swim was actually a good feeling one, I didn't do much, but I felt better during my swim than I did on my horrible afternoon run.

I haven't been in a very good mood for the last few days, it might even be a week. I have limited patience for people; not just people I dislike, but also people I love, (RB and my parents seem to be the only exceptions), I even snapped at someone at work yesterday; she kind of deserved it. I had a few bad, and weird dreams, which sets me off, I've had a few conversations with alpha males that have aggravated me; I'm aware that I shouldn't get annoyed, it shouldn't get under my skin, but it did. The kids at school have been ridiculously annoying, and I hate to say it, but I want to just simply smack them. The month itself for work has been pretty intense with an overload of after school meetings and paperwork, which doesn't help in keeping me in good spirits. It is what it is I suppose.

As for the rest of my time, I recently went to the doctor, and she told me I was in great shape, healthy, and looking good. That was good to hear, and know that all the working out is at least doing something productive. RB is doing good too! I'm super proud of him, he decided to get prepared foods to help him try to loose weight and kickstart a healthier lifestyle- he's lost 9 lbs in 2 weeks! I'm super proud of him, and I hope he continues to do well, I just wish I wasn't eating dinner by myself every night.

So, the long and the short of this post is simple updates, I suppose.
Some posts to look forward to: Jimmy Fallon, "Bad Words" and Easter/Passover April VACATION...

wahoo for spring!

Surprised.

Originally, I had written a super long post about surprising news I had received last week, however, after reading and rereading the post I have made the decision to not share based on a variety of reasons.

My first reason for trepidation of publishing the post is that I wouldn't want anyone to read it and think that I am judging, because I do not regard myself as a judgmental person, however, as I was reading the post I could easily imagine someone who doesn't know me, or my family themselves reading it and thinking that I am judging specific decisions. Listen, you do what you've got to do in this life; raise your kids the way you want, deem necessary and appropriate; but when you ask my opinion or invite me into your life as a practicing member, you can no longer become angry when I provide you with my honest feelings.

Secondly, I didn't want to open myself up to outside criticism of my family. It's my family and I can say what I want about my family. Don't think for one second that you have earned the right as an outsider to criticize my families choices, even if I invite you in. I become fiercely loyal and can appreciate someone empathizing or agreeing with me and my feelings but I cannot condone any sort of openly judgmental or critical opinions about them. They aren't perfect, but they are mine. I can call them names, but you can't. I'm sure you can all relate to that fierceness.

With all this being said, I wish nothing but the best for my family and friends, i need to remind myself that I cannot rationalize (in my opinion) irrational behavior, and I have to remember that none of it directly effects me, and I have my own problems to contend with.

I'll simply leave it at that.

What's in a Name

I hope you all don't mind, and maybe you didn't even notice it, but, I have changed my profile/account name to better represent myself to others out there. I hope some of you find the humor in it, (I think you'll only find the humor in it because you know my actual name), otherwise, you might just think it's my name, or something stupid. Either way, I like it, and I have to give credit where credit is due; RB came up with the name, and I think it's brilliant.

So, enjoy comments, and the "new look" of Lynmittsky's Memoirs.

It's my BIRD DAY!

Happy Birthday to me!!

Today is my birthday also known as "All about Me day" and Bird Day for how my mom and dad say birthday since I was a kid, so it stuck. I often go back and forth with how I feel about my birthday. Sometimes I want it to go by and be another day, other times I want the love "to reign over me". Luckily, my wonderful RB has made the decision for me. He has decided to make sure I know everyday how important I am to him; so far I have received a gift a day (till Saturday when my family birthday party arrives), he has told me many lovely and wonderful things, and has taken my mind off some unexpected, interesting, shocking news. RB was so excited and sweetly woke me this morning to give me the goods! A lovely hand drawn on coffee mug - I love weird mugs- and tickets to see JT in July! Woot-Woot!

My birthday started with delicious pound cake, strawberries and whipped cream celebration cake on Saturday night with some of our wonderful friends and their awesome kids.

My friends at work took care of me! *Rebecca at work, is one of my good trustworthy friends, and a great person, literally sweet as pie and tough as leather! She baked an amazing cake, (which was all I ate for lunch after a 3 mile run) and I had some other close work friends sing and give me cards and well wishes, which is always so lovely, and meaningful to me. Rebecca also bought me amazing gifts that were completely unnecessary but always appreciated,(straight from my pinterest boards)! My para, and friend, took care of me as well with (more) cake and an awesome GC, with a very sweet card. (I heart cards).

I have this one student who is very sweet, he doesn't have much money, and he is genuinely a good kid. He obviously, comes from a tough background otherwise he wouldn't be a student of mine. He saved his allowance for the past month to buy me a gift and a card for today. He wrote a lovely note inside the card and even included an additional note of "Happy Anniversary" (as it is tomorrow). His mother even came to school today for a meeting and told us that he has a little crush on me, to which me and a friend at work weren't surprised. What a sweet, good kid, even if he hadn't done all that, the fact that he did is amazing, I'll be sad to see him move on to the 7th grade next year, and I don't think he will ever know how much his gesture truly meant to me, and how proud I am of who he is as a young man.*Good Teaching Moment*

As much as I am not a fan of facebook, (personally I like Instagram best), I reluctantly stay a member, and am always surprised by how many people say happy birthday. I get it that it pops up on their feed and such, but they can simply choose to ignore it and not say anything at all. So, when they do, it makes me feel good and loved, and I appreciate that.

I got so many wonderful text messages and 2 phone calls! Texts from people who I know have bigger things on their plate than my birthday and they take the time to text or call is amazing! And, although I will see my family over the weekend, I wish they (as a collective whole) would extend a little extra love, but I get how that might be asking for too much. I have bird day dinner with my wonderful parents, and RB, and I'm overly grateful for that.

My lady friends have sent me a surprise little something along with an etsy gift card, which is totally crazemazing, I'm not sure what to do with it!! I look forward to my extra little surprise.

As for tonight, as I said, dinner of my choice at my parents and cake. I love this dinner because I do not have to do a darn thing! plus, I don't feel guilty about not doing anything either. My parents could get me nothing, other than the wonderfully loving card my mom picks out and the flowers my dad is sure to have tucked under his arm for me, (happy birthday) and my mom (thank you for birthing my baby).

This coming Saturday will be the first time my whole family will be at our apartment for dinner. I am excited about it, I am excited to cook for them, and be home in my house. RB is looking forward to not having to drive and play cards.

I think I enjoy my birthday and hate it all at once because I feel guilty enjoying an "all about me day" but in the same breath I don't want it to end, so I almost prefer we ignore it. silly right?

Happy Bird Day to me, cheers to many years more, may they be happy!

52 miles

That's right, 52 miles. I "ran" 52 miles in the 28 days that February had to offer. Suck it sickness, and pulled hamstring and extra 12 pounds!

Although I am still only down the 4 pounds I lost a few weeks ago, my clothing are starting to fit better, and the close to the same as 12 pounds ago. Oddly enough my stomach hasn't flatten out as much as it has in the past, however, I've been cheating with my no-cheese eating, which also might explain the remaining 8 pounds.

I know I had originally planned to do a a half marathon at the end of May, I have come to realize that is not going to work out to well for me. So, instead, I will be registering for a (short) triathlon a month beginning in April till September. I'm a little fearful, but also looking forward to it.

I really have been having a good time packing on the miles against Jenski and I feel like as soon as the weather warms up she's going to be rocking me on the mileage. I have to keep working at it, getting faster, and packing those miles.

For now, 52 miles down, a bagillion to go...

Kosher Valentines Day 2014 Edition

Morning:

Happy Kosher Valentines Day! This Year RB and I will be celebrating in the most Kosher style ever. I'm taking a crack at PORK BELLY! MMM, suckling, crispy pig. Although, I am still fighting with the crappy cold that has paused my workouts and cooking schedule, I'm going to go ahead with my plan and make the 3 hour attempt.

Afternoon:

So here is my small 2 pound slab of Pork Belly, ain't she a beaute?! I plan on following a recipe I found on Pinterest; I chose this recipe mostly because I don't have to go to the store to buy anything extra for it, plus it's relatively simple, and can easily be matched with rice. Most of the Asian recipe's I'd like to try call for A LOT of ingredients, which is what I find when attempting any Asian dish, I'm sure I'll give those a shot when I feel more like myself and it isn't a frigid, gray, gloomy winter day.

Evening:

The finished project. It was crispy and savory. I made mashed potatoes instead of my original thought of rice because the recipe had a gravy component. It was quite tasty. I think I prefer a sweet pig verses a savory one, however, this was simple, and RB enjoyed every last bite. Tradition continued for KVD, I get flowers, and RB gets something special made for him. It was an overall success! Cheers to all future KVD's and may all new recipe's be successful!

16 days

I love winter, really I do. I don't mind the chilly weather, the snow, the coats, and sweaters. But for goodness sakes, I miss the dry warmth of the sun.

It never fails that I get on a regular schedule and it strikes. Fever, elevated heart rate, sore, scratchy throat, swollen face, sinus headache and pressure, and EXTREMELY itchy ears and tonsils. Yes, you guessed it; vacation next week, and a workout streak of 16 days quickly turned to a sad end all due to the aforementioned ailments.

Maybe Mom's right, and it's my body's way of getting me to slow down. But seriously body, you're "killin'' me here! I'm down 2.5 more pounds and this is the crap you're going to pull? as if the constant snow, slush, rain, freezing temperatures weren't enough, we have this now!?

I took yesterday off, mom's doctor's orders. I tried to fight it, but when she made me take my resting heart rate (84 bpm) and then after 2 minutes of jogging check it again (164 bpm), I knew I was down for the count. Due to weather today, I can't workout, can't get to the moocher gym and can go outside. I guess it's all for the better being that I still feel like garbage's mom.

Next week should be a interesting struggle. I'm super skittlefarts, excited to see some New England "family", but not sure how I'm going to get my workouts in the way I need them to be done. I'm sure I'll be fine as long as some movement happens, I just hate to feel like I've worked this hard to start all over.

running in the cold, on the snowy trail.

 my trail last week ... I was forced to run the streets.

14 days.

It's been 14 days since I began my quest to loose the additional 12 pounds I put on in the last few months. I have successfully worked out at least 1 hour everyday for the last 14 days. I'm not even kidding, I have not taken a day off. I, of course, have had shorter workouts in order to accommodate the need of recovery but every day I have participated in exercise. I have also halved my lunch, and dinner in take, with a few days of exceptions on crap food. I have had cheese twice and I have paid for those mistakes BIG time via awesome intestinal discomfort. (if you think I should document said workouts let me know, I have them written down already). I have lost four, count them, 4 pounds, and I'm so hungry.

The worst part about the weight gain is trying to workout with the extra weight. It's hard for me to run and move faster, the weather isn't helping either but that at least I know will definitely change, whereas who knows what will happen with the weight.

My newest motivational tool is Jenny LaBaw, have you seen her?! check her out at "this is jenny labaw" on YouTube. My dad showed me this video about a week ago and I can't get this woman out of my head. If I can get my legs to look half as good as hers, I'd be thrilled so-and-so. Her upper body is a little much for me, but her legs! Oh, Sweet Judas Priest, those things are crazemazing. Since watching LaBaw, I have added an at home Crossfit inspired workout to my schedule, it's my Crossfit Friday workout. I like it! I like it as much as any person can like a workout. I like how it changes and I don't really get bored and the hour goes by relatively fast.

I'm hoping by the first weekend of March I've lost all the additional weight, and can re-start working on the 10 pounds that I was trying to get rid of before. I think the next step in my quest is food. I need to really pay attention to what and how much I am eating. It doesn't seem to be enough to cut things in half, but I really need to eat better. I'm sure though, if you ask people that know me well, know that I do not eat poorly in general, so this should be interesting.

I'm trying to not pay attention to the scale, or my pants, and really focus on getting those damned legs! Told my dad if I get those kind of legs to not be surprised when I get a tattoo that I have always wanted on my body.

Here's to the next 14 days.

Down to One Simple Thing.

I am not looking for sympathy, or a pat on the back, or empathy, or anything along those lines, I'm not even looking for a solution, because there is no solution. I just need this venue to complain, to vent, to scream silently.

Since my last "motivational" post I have gained 5 additional pounds. I have worked out every day and gained 5 pounds. I have cooked pretty much every meal, which in general, is well balanced, nutritious, and as healthy as I can get without eating like a damn bird. I eat because I get hungry, and I eat because when I don't eat, I get a headache; but now, I have gained a total of 12 pounds since September. I have two friends that are 13 weeks pregnant and haven't gained that much weight.

I say since September because when I returned from Hawaii, I naturally put on a couple of vacation pounds, then it became another pound. The few pounds that I had added weren't something I wasn't used to, I mean, lets face facts doesn't every one's weight fluctuated a good 2 pounds here and there? I wasn't worried, when I hit 6 pounds I became a little flustered, but again, they were quickly lost. Finally January hit, and it was a whopping 7 pounds I couldn't get rid of if you paid me. I chalked it up to the Holiday's, not really consistently working out, and pretty much eating whatever I wanted; i.e. grilled cheeses sandwiches for breakfast and lunch. 29 days into the new year, and conservatively, 20 of the 29 days (about 70% of the time) I have gone for a run, lifted, danced (Just Dance Wii Edition 2014), been insane (Insanity Program), Pilates, stretched, or Yoga'd my afternoons away. I have shopped for good healthy food and snacks and other than the nightly (single) Cookie with 1/2 glass of milk, I've pretty much been on my best eating behavior, I've also been cheese free!

I understand "get your thyroid checked", eat less, sleep more, take your vitamins, muscle weighs more than fat; I've been an athletic, active individual since I was 10, I know the deal. There is nothing wrong with my thyroid, I can say that with certainty, It gets checked every 6 months because of family history, it's always normal, I take vitamins everyday, I eat a shit-ton of green leafy vegetables, I barely have dairy, I don't eat a ton of red meat (due to stomach issues), bread is my only vise, and even then, I try to get high fiber, etc. As for fruits, I throw in a banana or an apple here and there, and magically another pound or two appear.

I'm tired kids, really, I am tired. I've been getting an average of 8.5 hours of sleep a night, so it's not a lack of sleep that is the culprit.

I'm down to one simple thing, I need to eat like a bird, or get another violent virus to kick start a weight loss. I can't seem to imagine right now what I could possibly eat less of, I'm actually getting a headache just thinking about it.

I mentioned to someone that I have gained 12 pounds earlier today and they responded with, "You look like you have lost more weight! Maybe there is a problem with your scale?" Maybe there is a problem with my scale, and my mom's scale, and all those trolls sneaking into my drawers at night to sew my clothes smaller. I couldn't care less if anyone notices that I have packed put on some pounds, I feel like garbage and feel completely uncomfortable. My biggest complaint in all of this is when this happens how am I supposed to stay motivated? how does anyone stay motivated?  How am I supposed to stay motivated in any way, shape, or form for anything?

the road to a better shaped me.

after doing nothing extra on Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday, I headed out today while snow was falling to do my usual 5k workout. about 13 minutes in my phone died, even though it said 45% when i left the house, and obviously didn't properly calculate my "run". i felt like garbage, but i was totally pissed off because of the technological interruption. I guess i should have looked at it as a favor being that it was about 23 degrees and snowing heavily. I got 2 miles out of today, and this week is looking super rough; cold, bad weather, running sneaker treads kinda shot, and running on the treadmill causes a lot more pain than anything else.

i was ahead of Jenski by the end of the week, but of course with my laziness and interruption today, I'm about 7 miles behind! how can i possibly make that time up?! guess, i'll just have to try.

have i mentioned, since Christmas I have gained and held onto 7 pounds, which really makes me so motivated to run. i do the usual, muscle weighs more than fat, spiel but of course, who gives a shit if it's true, its still there and i feel it. other than all that, i'm ridiculously tired, want nothing more than to stay home and snuggle with RB under the blankie, and not move, not even to eat... when's my next vacation?!?

milestone kind of a year.

2014 is filled with a lot of relationship milestones. I'm not sure why  we do things in increments of 5, they seem to be more of a milestone than in increments of 6, or 7, also milestone worthy, but 5 seems to be the go to tracking method.

March will mark RB and I's first kiss, 10 years ago!! and on March 6th we will have been married for 5 years. This is a huge deal to me, because between years 2-4, it was kinda touch and go, this isn't to say that things are perfect, because there is no such thing, but, to be married 5 years, it is a milestone after all the bullshit that we put each other through during the first few years of marriage. It's very comforting to know that we pulled through some super hard times, and have found a groove, and how to properly deal with each other instead of slicing his throat while he sleeps just to watch him bleed. 

I am excited to celebrate this milestone. We aren't big on celebrating our anniversary or things like a "first" kiss, or valentine's day, but we do have our own versions of celebrating. for instance, for valentine's day we have kosher valentine's day and we go to dinner for our anniversary. Although, you will often find us out to dinner on the weekends, we try to make sure that our anniversary dinner is slightly more "fancy". We have decided to go to the same place we went to last year to celebrate, and I'm thinking that from now on, that will be our go-to anniversary spot. 

This July will be yet another milestone, it marks the 15th anniversary of RB and I meeting each other for the first time. Maybe one day I can get him to write his version of our meet-cute, but, for now you'll have to settle for mine. 

RB and I have an interesting story, and I'm not sure if I've ever told you my version of our meet-cute, forgive me if I repeat myself.

I met Rick* in the summer of 1997,  I was 16 and he was headed to college in the fall. We hung out for some of the summer, doing what a 16 year old and an 18 year old does. He left for school and met his roommate. The following summer, 1998, Rick began working at our locale toys r' us and became friends with this kid named Sam*, Sam was a hilarious character and provided much entertainment for the remainder of the summer. One night, Rick, Sam and a few other guys all hung out, they decided to invite Rick's roommate from college, who was supposedly a very funny individual, unfortunately I was grounded for doing something I probably shouldn't have, and couldn't go. I was mostly bummed because I was 17 and stuck at home, but also because I was tired of hearing all about Rick's roommate. The summer continued and I never got the chance to meet Rick's supposed hilarious roommate. Finally, the summer of 1999 arrived and everyone was home from college! One fateful evening I arrived at Sam's parents house, as we did every night in the summer, there was a new face there. Rick was no where to be found, but Sam was talking to this nerdy looking kid in a white t-shirt, khaki shorts, and open-button down collard shirt. After being introduced to RB, Sam did something stupid, to which RB said something ridiculously sarcastic and I simply couldn't stop laughing. That was it, it was our meet-cute, ever since then he's been making me laugh ridiculously everyday. People have come and gone, but we've stayed together.

I thought once that I didn't want things to change, and then I couldn't wait for things to to change. Now, I'm glad we've gone with the flow, and I love him more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow (as corny as that sounds). I look forward to celebrating our next 5, 6, 7, 50 years, and I can't wait to continue to "ride the wave where it takes me".